The good, bad and ugly of nagging
Most times we find ourselves complaining about circumstances that surround or happened to us. The big question is: how often do we complain or nag as some people term it? Do you complain too much? Who doesn’t, anyway? Life is so full of little surprises and frustrating circumstances. You find out that when pushed to […]
Most times we find ourselves complaining about circumstances that surround or happened to us. The big question is: how often do we complain or nag as some people term it? Do you complain too much? Who doesn’t, anyway? Life is so full of little surprises and frustrating circumstances. You find out that when pushed to the extreme, you have no better option than to complain and go on nagging about it.
For many, complaining is natural. But at what point do we cross the line from normal complaining or ‘venting’ to an unhealthy and negative amount of whining and nagging?
As much as we try not to, we find ourselves complaining about one thing or the other every day. We sometimes take it to the extreme which is common among women. “Women grumble and nag about little issues that trouble them to anyone who cares to listen. Even if it is a stranger who at the end of the day cannot offer any suitable solution to their problem, they still feel comfortable even if it is a negative response they are given. Women are natural naggers,” says Hajara Abubakar, an Abuja based lawyer.
Most women spend a lot of time complaining and talking about their problems to friends without really wanting a solution to the problem. They are just interested in talking about how whatever problems make them feel and how they will be taking their revenge on whoever is responsible for their predicament. “These ranting and nagging can turn into long analyses that get repeated over and over again. They forget that nagging is never the answer to their problems. Nagging only portrays one in bad light. This is no to say sometimes nagging does not have its good side but once taken to the extreme it becomes a problem” says Abdullahi Ahmed, a civil servant.
The big question though is if complaining is good or bad. The kind of society we live in tries to convince us that we should smile and have a nice day pretending that everything is fine even if you are the verge of death. But we all know that it is not realistic to pretend that everything is fine in our lives if it not without vetting it out one way or the other. A professor in psychology Barbara Held says “we are always encouraged to see the bright side of life thereby masking our unhappiness which in the long run could be very toxic to the human mind and psychology,” she further says “it is important to learn how to tell friends and family when you are not happy about a particular situation and if you do not, you end up alone in pain”. Nagging could be healing but when it is done judiciously and in a civil manner she concludes.
Nagging is not always bad; however there is the good, bad and ugly side of it. The good side of nagging is channelled through bringing positive changes to a situation. Nagging can be a good thing and bring about change and even reach the desired goal when expressed clearly and calmly to the targeted person.
Nagging can go either way; it can be good or bad. Complaining could be described as being expressive. The positive side of expressive complain is when you just need to get something off your mind and you voice it out. Thereby feeling better and letting go of the whole issue once you have expressed yourself. The bad side however of nagging happens when we complain and continue to complain and just won’t stop or let go of the issue or problem. For this kind of person low esteem seems to be the root of their problem because they are not ready to let go of the problem neither are they looking for a solution to the problem. “They just want to portray an impression that they are important whereas in the real sense they are not and feel by complaining nonstop is the only way they can prove their relevance” says Halima Yunusa an undergraduate.
The ugly side of nagging is the chronic nagger that always sees a fault in everything anybody does and never sees positivity in anyone. A chronic nagger loves to talk but will rarely listen thereby rejecting any solution that one might have to offer.
A little whining here and there has never hurt anybody but a constant negative nagging attitude equals an unhappy and negative life. The key is not to let the habit of complaining and nagging become the norm of our life. Complaining can do more harm than good if it is not effectively managed. Complain can be a tool for impression management or how people see us and our behaviour. The way we channel complains tells a lot about the kind of person we are.
So when next you find yourself complaining make sure you are not nagging and repeating yourself over and over again as this will exhibit something else. Above all select an appropriate listener that will proffer a solution to the problem and not one that will make matters worse and even make a story out of it at your detriment.