The implication of cheap marriage

All these complaints about the so-called kayan lefe provided by the suitor as  a marriage formality do not really amount to much. Even the dowry, many pay the minimum, which is N30,000 now.Besides, as somebody pointed  out, “Are you marrying a goat?” He added that in his ‘ doctrine,’ you pay a lot for the […]

All these complaints about the so-called kayan lefe provided by the suitor as  a marriage formality do not really amount to much. Even the dowry, many pay the minimum, which is N30,000 now.
Besides, as somebody pointed  out, “Are you marrying a goat?” He added that in his ‘ doctrine,’ you pay a lot for the dowry as that is the only way to value the marriage.
I pity women for being degraded to the extent that you hear every now and then that some women or even young girls would be glad to be married even without the men buying the kayan lefe, but with only the dowry, which is the essential one.
Some even say, they can take care of themselves after the marriage so as not to be considered a burden to the husbands.
How have women fallen to this level of human indignity? After all, it is the responsibility of the husband to provide shelter, food and  clothing, so why should a  woman just because she wants to get married take the responsibility that is not her own?
“Since I am working I will be doing everything for myself,”   said one bride-to-be.
But her elder sister cautioned her and told her not to even start on that, or else the husband would become used to it and leave his responsibility to her.
However, if the marriage is not cheap and the husband knows that he must live to his responsibilities and provide for his family, a young girl going into marriage would never have thought of providing for herself while she has a so-called husband. Her supposed provider and protector.
As it is she already knows what obtains in the society where men neglect their responsibly and therefore has prepared for a dismal marriage life.
Since it is gradually becoming an acceptable thing for married women to fend for themselves, men have become relaxed, not valuing the marriage and in essence not valuing the wives.
Sometimes you see young married women looking haggard and thin, because of lack of good feeding and care. Where are the cloths and cosmetics for them to use in order to look good for their husbands, one may wonder.
These women change completely from the ones their husbands married because of hardship.
People always blame poverty on whatever they do, but how can you marry a well-fed girl and subject her to hunger and threadbare cloths, knowing that you cannot take care of a wife, let alone children?
Apparently because of such negligence, one man said he supports the  culture of kayan lefe, because some men don’t buy cloths for their wives for years after the marriage, some even up to six years or more.
A  young married woman said she didn’t like the  culture of gara, the food items supplied by the bride’s parents to the newly  married couple. She said it pampers men as the husbands don’t have the pressure of taking care of the home immediately after the marriage.
Hmm, and they say Hausa people pamper women, what about the men, that  provide empty houses only, for the bride’s parents to furnish it  and the gara to boot?
Perhaps if our men are made to know they are supposed to provide those things from  the beginning, making them more responsible it will restore the dignity of women and even of themselves. This is  because as it is, such men are diminished in the eyes of their wives.
Because women have been cheapened that is why a man that can hardly feed himself marries three or four wives, knowing full well he cannot take care of them and  their children.
But he does it anyway, because it doesn’t add any financial burden on him. May be he just pays the dowry and  leaves each wife to fend for herself and her children.
And if one of the wives dares complain she may be threatened with divorce, by saying, if you cannot stay you can leave.
Also some of these men would demand for food, even when they have not provided it, knowing that the wives must give them , if they know what is good for them or else…
In any case religious leaders, parents and other leaders should take it upon themselves and salvage the institution of marriage from disrepute. Those encouraging the cheapening of marriage in order for more women to get married   are inadvertently cheapening women, whereby a young girl going into marriage already knows she has no value, as far as her husband is concerned.