The isle of denial

When you are in a state of denial in life, it means you are not being realistic about happenings in your life, especially something that may be obviously real to people around you, but to you it remains an illusion or dream, thereby, infusing in yourself a state of denial of the obvious.Indeed, when we […]

When you are in a state of denial in life, it means you are not being realistic about happenings in your life, especially something that may be obviously real to people around you, but to you it remains an illusion or dream, thereby, infusing in yourself a state of denial of the obvious.
Indeed, when we are in denial, we only seem to be pretending that whatever we refuse to believe is happening isn’t happening or isn’t true. Many of us have had our own fair share of denial in different experiences in our lives. Many of us have lived in denial; when we said yes, we are right and will be okay by whatever decisions we take, when in reality we are not only wrong but will live a pitiful life with the decisions we take.
“Denial was my path throughout a lonely marriage, and which was not in my best interest, nor that of my kids. It was not in my best interest through a long and painful divorce either and in the years of its aftermath. This is not a good place to be, though I always thought I could make it on my own. Whenever the thought of failing on my own came across, I always denied it.  I will speak the truth of my life, and encourage others to speak the truth of theirs however frightening, so we will no longer be expected to shoulder the impossible due to our denial status,” says Mercy Udeh.
“Many women live in denial throughout their marriage, right from the beginning to the end even if the odds say otherwise. They believe that they can make it work even when all indications show that it is already dead. There are marriages to be salvaged and those that should not. Most hang up their denial state on the excuse of kids. They forget that these kids are better off out of the situation in the home. Women suffer the denial syndrome more because they see themselves as the weaker sex. Many live in denial for years afterwards, following the rules and trying to reason with a man who is not ready to do the same,” says Dr. Doris Eugene, a psychologist.
As with many things, denial is a matter of degree and context. But to practise it as a way of life is more dangerous and it really equates to never addressing or solving serious issues or matters. Denying our situations does not make them go away and in turn takes the good feelings because we are busy faking what is not real. Understand that real happiness can get lost in a fray. Our problems and feelings are real and valid, no matter how much we deny them.
Sometimes we live in denial and sometimes we are just not ready to hear and acknowledge the truth at that particular time. Focusing only on positivity and negativity for that matter could be damaging. We shouldn’t put all our energy in absolutes. Life isn’t about just being black or white; there are so many other colours out there only if we calm down to observe and notice them than denying they do not exist.
Though many psychologists have asserted that a little denial could be a good thing. Being in denial for a short period can be a healthy coping mechanism, providing time to adjust to painful and stressful situations. But then, do not forget that denial has a dark side when allowed to overwhelm you.
Being in denial can prevent you from effectively dealing with issues that require action. For instance, after a traumatic experience, you may need sometime to fully recover or come to terms with the challenges that lie ahead. But being in constant denial will never give you the chance to overcome the challenges that lie ahead.
It may seem that refusing to face facts is never a healthy way to cope but in some cases denial could be exceptional and helpful. It gives your mind the opportunity to absorb the shock or experience. Being in perpetual denial could be a factor to many constraints in your progress in life. Denial is an island no one wants to be left alone on. So, is denial the part you choose, the choice is yours to make!