The thin line between strong will and stubbornness

A woman shared the story of her seven-year-old daughter who has a strong personality, always wanting to have her way with everything. The confused mother said: “People think she controls me but I think it’s best to let her express herself. We’ve even been called to school on account of her behaviour. Is there really […]

A woman shared the story of her seven-year-old daughter who has a strong personality, always wanting to have her way with everything. The confused mother said: “People think she controls me but I think it’s best to let her express herself. We’ve even been called to school on account of her behaviour. Is there really something wrong with being strong-willed?”  
Children are God’s gift and there’s nothing wrong with being strong-willed. But there exists a thin line between being strong-willed and being just plain stubborn. Childhood is a good time to correct before teen years set in. 
But Stella Iroho Ono believes that it is not right for children to always have their way. “If you don’t control it now before she becomes a teenager, it would worsen. A stitch in time, they say, saves nine.”
Blessed Mark, speaking from experience, says rebellious behaviour always boomerang if parents don’t curb it: “My sister always let her first daughter choose clothes and called it freedom of self-expression back then. Today as an adult she is a shame to the family in terms of what she wears. No amount of talking changes her decision when it comes to what she wants to wear. What I am trying to say with this story is that it’s not right to always let children always have their way.”
Being strong-willed does not mean being above the law, says Linda Ezenikwe: “Nothing is wrong with being strong-willed except when the child starts being disrespectful. The strong-willed must obey authority. If the school calls you because of that then there is a problem. That means she’s not strong-willed in a positive way. You need to let her know that she needs to respect everyone even when she thinks she’s right. And she can’t be right because she’s too young to make everyone do what she wants.”
Janet Samson says: “If a child is strong-willed in a good way, that’s okay. But if being strong-willed means being a selfish bully, then boundaries need to be established.”
Maryam Abduallahi thinks no child should control a parent. “If as a role model, a parent is bowing to a child’s whims, then a good child isn’t being raised there. It’s certainly not bad to embrace the character of your child but if it makes people uncomfortable then there is problem with your parenting style.”
Hauwa Shuaibu says encouraging a child to realise her personality is okay. “But you have to train her to know authority, as well. You can’t let her express her thoughts and actions wherever, whenever and however. She needs to be controlled to channel that personality positively and not to cross the boundaries others have set. Being strong-willed is different from been stubborn or undisciplined. My three-year-old is strong-willed too, but very polite and knows whatever decision I take is final. Please guide her gently and train her unto the right path.”
Rakiya Mahmud said while she was a naughty bully growing up, her parents put her in her rightful place eventually. “My mum made me realise my responsibility as a woman in the society. As a child that age you can’t tell me what you want to eat, when to take your bath or go to school and I mustn’t hear that she was being naughty or stubborn to anybody.  Most important of all, I will draw her closer to God to let her know things He expects from her as a woman.”
Marriage Counsellor, Mrs. Chika Emmanuel, also said children shouldn’t be encouraged to always have their way. She said: “The word ‘strong-will’ does not apply to children. It is important to instil discipline and authority in children at an early age because it will be difficult to remedy the situation when they hit their teens. What will happen when she turns eighteen?”
As a mother, there is a need to limit a child’s demands and frown at tantrums. The child should also be made to know where and when she can exercise such “strong will”, for instance, in trying to find success and saying no when being lured into negative situations. In trying to discipline her, she also needs love. Allow her to express herself but caution her when need be, not allowing the child to go overboard. It’s a parent’s responsibility to put kids on the right track and, most importantly, stop making excuses for her using ‘very strong personality’ or ‘strong will’ as pegs.