The tribal factor

‘No, I am trying to save your husband and all those who couldn’t get wives as beautiful as me from jeopardizing their fast by looking my way. The only way to achieve that is by dressing this drabbilly.’ She answered my joke with hers, while walking past me into the sitting room. ‘So where is […]

‘No, I am trying to save your husband and all those who couldn’t get wives as beautiful as me from jeopardizing their fast by looking my way. The only way to achieve that is by dressing this drabbilly.’ She answered my joke with hers, while walking past me into the sitting room. ‘So where is your ancient husband?’ Tabawa asked, as soon as she sat on one of the chairs.
‘He’s attending tafsir in our neighbourhood mosque. For someone who didn’t want to distract him, you seem eager to meet him. Anyway, assalamu alaikum’ I said extending a hand to her ‘You seem in too much hurry to remember we haven’t even greeted.’ I said, smiling at her.
‘Yes, sorry about that Bint. Jokes apart, I am really disturbed. It’s just that when you are in your jocular mood, one can’t help joining you. It’s highly infectious. However I really do need to see Tahir, we have an emergency in the family.’ She answered soberly.
‘Really, well unless you’ll stay and break your fast with us, he won’t be home till just before iftar. The tafsir is between 4 to 6pm, he usually returns home just before sunset to break the fast and go back for Magrib prayer.’ I explained.
‘To think that I targeted this time believing he will definitely be home from work. I had no idea he now attends tafsir, age must be making a spiritual conquest of your man. Anyway, even if I stay here I am unlikely to break my fast with ease, I better return home and try to manage the situation as best as I can. But please tell Tahir that Miko just sent Ahmad packing from the house, he said he never wants to see him again. ’ She announced, in a broken voice.
‘I hope you don’t mean Ahmad, your first son.’ When she nodded, I quickly asked ‘what could he possibly do wrong that would make his father send him away? He seems like the perfect first-born; well-mannered, well-educated, a good job. I just can’t see what could make Miko angry with him.’ I observed.
‘Apparently, his choice of a wife. Yesterday he said to us he was planning to get married to a young lady he met at work. By the time he gave us the details about her, Miko had hit the roof. No son of his will get married to a girl from a distant tribe. How could Ahmad ever think he can bring an alien woman into the family, he demanded, and then went ahead to say over his dead body.’ Tabawa narrated.
‘That sounds very strange, I mean Miko always seemed so liberal about such things.  Where is the girl from?’ I asked.
‘She is from Edo state but apparently of a Muslim background. Ahmad insists that she is a nice, well-brought up, religious young lady but Miko argues that as long as she is from that far, she isn’t welcome. The argument went on for hours, with Ahmad saying that he had never opposed his father in anything before, so he should at least let him have his way this time around. But Miko countered that he could not face his ‘pure breed’ brothers and say that his son had decided to marry a ‘qabila.’
 I joined in and said that the Prophet PBUH had said that the most important thing to look for in a spouse is his/her religious disposition. And even if the woman is a Christian or a Jew, a Muslim man is allowed to marry her in the tradition of the Holy Prophet. We all know that Rasulillah SAW ‘s wife Safiyya was a Jew and Zainab was a Coptic Christian. Though they both eventually became Musllims while living with him, it doesn’t alter the fact that when they married him they were non- Muslims. And he is the best model for us, says the Holy Qur’an. But despite all my efforts to make him see reason, Miko stood his ground, until both of them were angry.
At this point Ahmad did the unthinkable. He looked at his father and said that no one can stop him from marrying the woman he likes. In response, his father said he should find another father because he will never give his blessings to such a union.  Then he added that as a first step, Ahmad should pack and leave his house immediately. I begged him to reconsider but he wouldn’t. I ordered Ahmad to apologize and he said it wouldn’t do any good because even if he apologized he wouldn’t stop his plans to marry his sweetheart.
Needless to say we all had a bad night. He didn’t join us for sahur, and his father wouldn’t discuss him any more after fajr prayers. The only concession he made was when he said that Ahmad could have the lady for a second or third wife but not as a first. I was forced to ask him: What if your son isn’t interested in polygamy, just like you?  “Then he will just have to marry someone from ‘home’ and forget that girl.” He replied cold-heartedly.
By the time I went to look for Ahmad he had left the house. He told me, when I called his number that he had moved in with a friend but will soon find his own place to rent. His sisters and I wept as if he had died because he had always been a homebody. Whenever he returned from school holidays , he liked to hang around at home more than with friends. When he graduated he came straight home to his old room. Others would have used the opportunity to move out on their own. So to have such a person putting up with friends must be very hard for him indeed. I spent the whole day worrying over it. Finally I said to myself. If anyone can drum some sense into Miko and make him reconsider his decision, it will be Tahir. That’s why I just grabbed my veil and rushed over here.’  Tabawa concluded.
‘Poor you, this certainly explains your haggard look. I’m still amazed that Miko can place the tribal factor above everything else in a situation like this. But inshaAllah, Tahir will gladly intervene and get Miko to do what is right. However please give me Ahmad’s number. I will invite him to iftar straight away so that he can discuss the issue with Tahir and let him know everything there is to know about this girl before he encounters your husband.’ I offered.
‘Yes, thank you so much Bint. I’ve been worried sick over what he will eat for iftar today. May Almighty Allah reward you abundantly.  It’s such a weight off my shoulders to know that he will be eating some decent home-made food from you.’ She said wiping the tears from her eyes. ‘You are a true friend Bint.’ She added before rising up to walk towards the door.