The youths are angry

– Did someone take their bread?– It would appear so.– Well, they should not fight over that, the French peasants did, hundreds of years ago, but in Naija, it’s not worth it fighting over a loaf.– And why is that?– It’s made of cassava.– What’s wrong with cassava?– Everything, it’s a poor man’s food; second, […]

– Did someone take their bread?
– It would appear so.
– Well, they should not fight over that, the French peasants did, hundreds of years ago, but in Naija, it’s not worth it fighting over a loaf.
– And why is that?
– It’s made of cassava.
– What’s wrong with cassava?
– Everything, it’s a poor man’s food; second, in bread form it is not easily digestible. But seriously speaking are they really angry because of the price of bread?
– Well, figuratively yes. They are not well represented in the confab?
– Says who?
– Says the youths.
– Oh, ok. They should march to Hassle Rock, after all, their leaders have been organising solidarity rallies and giving awards to those who ruin their future. At any rate, there are young people at the confab.
– Like who?
– Yinka Odumakin and his wife, Joe Okei; Ishaq Modibbo,….
– What percentage of youths are those?
– Well, half a loaf is better than nothing. But who told you they’re angry? I hope you haven’t been reading all those nonsense online publications by people of no fixed address? They make up stories, have no credibility and when they are caught lying, they have no decency to apologise.
– That’s not fair; they get it right most of the times. The youths have been agitating in their social media postings. They even calibrated the ages of past leaders.
– Yeesss!
– Awo, Ahmadu Bello, Zik in their prime when they chased the British. Muritala and Gowon were young men Buhari was a young man when he became a public official…
– True. So where did all that leave us?
– They haven’t gotten to that yet.
– Well, they should. And until they do, they are only murmuring. Hassle Rock is dancing skelewu and murmurs cannot stop the dance.
– I thought you didn’t follow modern music.
– Modern, give me a break. Everybody is dancing skelewu these days, even Oyibo children are dancing skelewu. If the youths want to be taken seriously, they should stop the dance.
– How do you mean?
– Well, you see, the youths of Egypt were tired of being hired for less than a dollar a day, they decided to do something about it. A young man in Tunisia set himself on fire just to prove a point and his death sparked a tsunami of protests and a political earthquake in the Middle East. These ones are docile opportunists who take pleasure in robbing their own mates and elders whenever the opportunity presents itself.
– That’s not fair.
– Oh, it isn’t? During the last fuel scarcity, who were those hawking fuel at cut-throat prices?
– Ehhmm, the youths.
– Who killed the four handsome boys in the east?
– Eehmm…
– Who killed the Beninoise woman in the west by putting pepper in her private part?
– Ah. Must you be so graphic? Ok, it’s the youths.
– And why not? I haven’t finished. Compared to the Wizard of Ota, how old is President Jones?
– I don’t like to criticise my leaders.
– I know. So, let’s look at the Jones regime. What is the average age of his two bulldogs who tackle people for him?
– Ehmmmm…
– Your information minister.
– He is young.
– What was the age of the woman who turned our airports into crash sites and invested money on bullet proof cars?
– Errr?
– I am coming o. What about the former sports minister under whose tenure a performing coach was owed seven months’ salary.
– Errhm, he is young.
– Okay, I know you don’t like to criticise federal leaders. But what is the average age of your governors, those who are detaining social media critics?
– They are young.
– How have they performed as governors?
– Very poorly.
– What is the average age of your local government chairmen?
– Below 40 maybe.
– And your commissioners, your councillors and most clerks who collect egunje and make files disappear so that they can reappear with crispy Naira.
– Ha, they are the youths.
– The policemen at checkpoints, the soldiers who cry when they are posted to Haramistan but would not blink to make you do frog jump just for walking by their girlfriends.
–  They are youths.
– Who serves as political thugs at rallies? Who snatches ballot boxes?
– The youths.
– Who kidnaps people and demands ransom? Who engages in ritual killing so that they can ‘hammer’?
– Hah, o ga o.
– Who are the yahoo boys? Drug couriers? Who hoodwinks girls for prostitution abroad?
– Can we talk about something else? Like the N7 billion that would be squandered at the confab.
– Perhaps, but next time your disillusioned friends show their red eyes in anger, ask them to go and wash their faces and look in the mirror and change the man in the mirror.