This souveniring craze

‘What are you counting Bint?’ My sister Fatima turned sideways to ask me from the driver’s seat. ‘The number of souvenirs in my bag. ‘ I answered. ‘Why, can’t that wait till you get home? Don’t tell me you are so excited about your package you had to open it now. I’m sure there is […]

‘What are you counting Bint?’ My sister Fatima turned sideways to ask me from the driver’s seat.

‘The number of souvenirs in my bag. ‘ I answered.

‘Why, can’t that wait till you get home? Don’t tell me you are so excited about your package you had to open it now. I’m sure there is nothing there that you haven’t seen before.’ She chided.

‘Of course there is, in fact three of the items I have here I‘ve never seen before.‘ I replied.

‘Still, they could wait till you are safely home. Anyway I should’ve known you are still your old child-like, easily-excited self. So it follows.’ Fatima said.

‘Actually, excitement isn’t the word driving my curiosity today. It is anger. Do you know that I have taken down the number of food items served, the different types of drinks served, the….’

‘What are you Bint, a journalist? Otherwise how can you attend an occasion and start making an inventory of all you saw?’ She interrupted, taking her eyes off the road for a moment.

‘This is a woman celebrating her husband’s election victory. A simple three-course meal will suffice, and if there had to be souvenirs then a simple note-pad and a calendar-poster of him will also do. But look at the abundant food you saw. No less than seven different courses. The drinks were about ten, and then eight different kinds of souvenirs, some of which I have to read the manual to know how to use. Why all this wastage if the man had been elected to serve his people? And don’t tell me it’s because he had won a second term because I have no idea what he did during the first term. He was one of those bench-warmers in the House of Reps whose voice you never even hear. In all the years I have been watching the House proceedings, I have never seen him standing or making a contribution. It is almost as if he’s not there. Frankly, I don’t see why those people back in his constituency should elect him again.’ I concluded.

‘Thank God this woman doesn’t know what’s going on in your mind she would have regretted sending you an invitation. ‘ Fatima added, taking a turn towards my house.

‘But be honest Fati, weren’t you pissed off by what you saw there?’ I asked.

‘May be I was, but that was what I expected to see. It was you who went there with some idealistic vision of what an election victory dinner should look like. I went there expecting an Owambe. You know the word literally means ‘come and see’. The Yorubas who started it do it only when a person has truly arrived, and has enough to show off. Our people do it for the same reason. So why should you expect any modest show when the whole idea is to show off?’ She argued.

‘But I thought the idea of showing off is when you have achieved something. What does this MP have to show for being in the House in the last four years?’ I insisted.

‘Look, his wife is not celebrating his performance in the House she is simply celebrating his ability to retain that seat. The fact that that incredible salary of at least ten million a month will continue to come their way for the next four years is all she is celebrating. So how can you now question how she chooses to celebrate it?’ My sister demanded, stopping her car at my front door. Without leaving the passenger seat, I turned to her and answered.

‘You must agree with me that the whole thing was excessive. I mean look at this souvenir package and imagine what its budget must be like. There were no less than two hundred of us at that house today. And each one of us has got one like this. Why must we throw good money away on things that will never really benefit anyone? If they had to show their appreciation for being re-elected, why don’t they go back to their constituency and do something meaningful for them? I mean supposedly they are only on that lucrative seat because those people had elected them. So let them go back and say thank you to their voters by serving them well.’ I argued.

‘Well Bint, you are going into a moral debate now and we don’t have much time for that seeing that it is almost time for Maghrib. So all I would like to say is, one, morality is not the guiding principle for most of our politicians. If it was, things will work very differently in our country. Number two, most of the money MP’s throw away on silly pursuits like election victory parties, their children’s weddings and birthdays are constituency allowances meant for them to set up offices, employ personnel, undertake constituency projects and be accessible to their people. When they divert these monies, and add to their monthly largesse they find themselves too rich to not to afford anything they desire. But why blame them? Even ordinary people are into this souveniring craze. The other day, my neighbour attended a wedding in Zaria in which, LCD televisions were shared as souvenirs….’

‘LCD TVs, surely this can’t be true?’ I interrupted.

‘Of course it is. Where were you when laptops were shared as wedding gifts to guests two years ago?’ Fatima demanded.

‘The case of the laptops wasn’t a surprise because when a governor marries a president’s daughter, companies will be falling over themselves to make an impact. I heard the laptops were given by a certain company which was probably seeking a huge contract at the state or national level then. But when an individual shares expensive TV sets as wedding souvenirs, it raises a lot of questions, not the least of which is what does he or she do for a living?’ I answered.

‘They said the Zaria parents were Abuja based legal practitioners. So you see, if members of the learned profession can do it, you can believe that our honourable MPs will feel challenged to do better,’ She replied.

‘And what will they give out next, cars?’ I asked in disgust.

‘Don’t rule that out sister dear, the only thing is nothing lasts until it is built on a solid foundation of truth and honesty. Do you see how easily those high-profile marriages collapse? It’s because their foundations are materialistic and weak. So also do our showy MPs quickly revert to obscurity and irrelevance, because their lives were basically shallow. Let’s just hold onto the old moral values we were brought up on and let’s also try to inculcate them in our children. It’s truly our only way out of this moral decay Bint.’ Fatima concluded.