Those the government pardoned

–     Aren’t you glad to see someone from the western hemisphere?–     Why? Because your vehicle was not identified as a boko haram vehicle? Because you were not detained for a few days while your identity was being verified? –     What is that?–     No, answer me? Have you brought Fayose Rice or […]

–     Aren’t you glad to see someone from the western hemisphere?
–     Why? Because your vehicle was not identified as a boko haram vehicle? Because you were not detained for a few days while your identity was being verified?
–     What is that?
–     No, answer me? Have you brought Fayose Rice or did you just settle down at Fayemi’s soup kitchen only to come here in the hope of disgorging your corrupt entrails in my toilet?
–     Haha, I did not go to Ekiti now.
–     Well, some people didn’t go to Ekiti, but Ekiti came to them. You people are truly on-your-own, O-Y-O, crying more than the bereaved?
–     How?
–     I understand one governor shut down an entire state because his political devotee has kicked the bucket?
–     Ha, that’s not a good thing to say. The man was a friend of the masses.
–     Really?
–     Yes! A religious leader who touched the poor with his philanthropic heart?
–     Really?
–     Yes now its common knowledge. True, everyone knows that.
–     Including the late Sani Abacha?
–     What has Sani Abacha got to do with this?
–     Plenty. The man campaigned for Sani Abacha to transform like Yahya Jammeh.
–     What’s wrong with that, so did Tom Ikimi.
–     But Ikimi is alive.
–     Oh yes, I just wanted to remind you that today’s progressive Ikimi was an Abacha minister.
–     So, what are you saying?
–     I am saying that it’s not a shame to be a military apologist in Naija. In fact, it is a bonus. You lick soldier’s boots; use the nuisance value for political mileage once elections come. All politicians did it and that’s what our nation is known for?
–    Well, it’s an ingenious way of looking at it.
–     Trust you to be tongue-tied when losing an argument.
–     Who said anything about winning an argument?
–     We were getting there until I clipped your evil wings. How can you be so cruel to the dead? Except of course you have no home training, because you do not speak ill of the dead.
–     Says who?
–     It’s culturally insensitive.
–     Just pity you for shutting down an entire state because somebody who is not even a state actor died.
–     Your problem is that you people have read too much, travelled too far and wide you have forgotten our culture. What if the whole country is shut down for him? This man was a national icon, a champion of the masses.
–     Chai, icon has taken on new meanings these days those who were so-called in the past are actively dodging the compliment.
–     And why is that?
–     Well, the waters of decency have been muddied by the feet of jobbers dancing skelewu on political expediency.
–     What is that supposed to mean?
–     Well, did you hear that Naija has won the deal to repatriate $227 million Abacha loot from Liechtenstein?
–     Abacha what?
–     Abacha loot?
–     You better check with the presidency if that’s the word they use. Remember there is no corruption here, only stealing.
–     Why?
–     I’m telling you now because Sani Abacha was posthumously invested into the league of great leaders as a state hero, so you cannot associate him with looting.
–     Oh okay, is that also why you guys decided to drop charges against his son?
–     It was the courts that dropped the case, it has nothing to do with government. Have you ever heard of separation of powers?
–     No, but I’ve heard about underground spiritual game.
–     Well, that’s not a legal terminology. But, if the father, who was a state actor, is absolved of any wrongdoing can his son who was not a state actor be found guilty of…stealing?
–     Oh, sorry, I am not that well versed in reverse logic?
–     Call it whatever you like, but that is the case. So, instead of beating the government for taking the right decision, you should hail them for decluttering the system to tackle serious cases.
–    Like the one against Buruji Kasamu, filed 2013 but not mentioned till date, Fayose…
–    This country’s attorney general is a senior advocate, not a common liar.
–    Thanks for reminding me.
–    So, when legal decisions are taken, learn to respect it.
–    You’re right, we’re yet to come to terms with the fact that those whom the government pardon, should never be called thieves or felons.
–    Our drug war takes on new meaning.
–    Really?
–    Yes, a woman of timbre and caliber champions it.
–    And who could she be?
–    Mrs. Roli Bode-George.
–    Lobatan!