Three simple keys to marital success
Ephesians 5:31-33, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. [32] This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. [33] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even […]
Ephesians 5:31-33, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. [32] This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. [33] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
This and other scriptures define among other things, your liberties, limitations or boundaries, actions and outcomes if these things are followed.
There are hundreds, if not thousands of keys to succeeding and lasting in marriage, but there are three that I believe encompasses all of them and they come from the word cleave. They are stay with God, stay with your spouse and stay with yourself (your calling).
- Stay with God. Jesus said in John 15:5, “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.” Your productivity is determined by your connectivity. The stronger your connection, the more productive you become. Stay connected to Christ. He is omniscient, that is, He knows all things. He knows how to make it work. He knows how to take you from where you are to where you want to be. He knows how to fix any problem or challenge you might face. He knows what prayer you should pray to get the results that you want. How knows how to bring the best out of you. He is omnipotent, He has the power to deliver and protect you from every attack of the enemy. He is able to fix any problem in your life. He is omnipresent so there is no place the enemy drags you that He cannot reach to bring you out.
- Stay with yourself. 1Corinthians 7:20 says, “Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.” The potential in you is the key to your greatness. Everyone is born with potential, but not everyone ever gets to use them. We have been brought up to ignore them altogether. To ignore your potential or gift, is to sabotage your value and destroy your greatness. Linked to this is you purpose in life. If you want to know your purpose, look at your potential. Your greatness is in being you. Your relevance is your gift. Your uniqueness is what makes you relevant. God designed your gift to take you places you cannot reach by yourself. Find out your calling and give it your best shot. You will not only be happy and satisfied, but everyone around you will also be happy. Happiness is contagious, so is frustration. God designed your gift to make you attractive. Don’t trade who you are for what you think the world needs. Be you, that’s what the world needs. The world needs you. Invest in your gift. Invest in your potential. The more you use your gift, the more fruitful you are, and the more fruitful you are the more attractive you become.
- Stay with your spouse. Marriage was designed to last the life-span of the couple. It was designed to be a covenant union; not a contract that can be terminated at will. Divorce was never in God’s mind. Christians who divorce are to remain unmarried for the rest of their lives except for a few reasons like infidelity. Therefore, the choice of one’s life partner must be carefully considered before it is made. The role of a friend in your life may be temporary. Some people do best in managing crisis. They may find it difficult to manage success. It could be the other way round. But a spouse is that special person who has the grace to stand with you through thick and thin. For better or for worse, cleave! For richer or for poorer, cleave! In sickness or in health, cleave! In good times and in bad times, cleave! When he or she is down, cleave! When he’s strong, cleave! When he’s weak, cleave! When he’s nice, cleave! When he’s nasty, cleave! Become an inseparable pair no matter what. Stay together in prayer, worship, and in dealing with life’s challenges.
PROMOTING CLOSENESS
“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if ye find my beloved, that ye tell him, that I am sick of love.” Songs of Solomon 5:8
How much will your partner miss you if you are away for a while? Closeness is not automatic; you have to work on it.
Here are five ways to promote closeness
- Be there for each other. People feel loved when their partner is there for them especial in trying times. Bear one another’s burdens. Solve each other’s problems.
- Communication. It is the lifeline of a relationship. The first sign of a broken relationship is diminished communication. People stop talking to each other when they are unhappy with each other. Discuss your businesses. Chat on social media when you are away from each other. Tell each other nice things. Be open. Talk about your feelings. Avoid arguments.
- Physical Contact. Contact promotes closeness. That is why we hold hands, shake hands, hug, embrace, kiss, etc. and ultimately, make love. Narrow the gap between you and your partner by doing these things regularly particularly if your partner is a touchy feely type of person. Hug your partner at least once a day; if possible, more.
- Gifts. Gifts communicate love. It is said that you can give without loving but you cannot love without giving. Gifts communicate appreciation and lets your partner know that you value him or her. Get a thoughtful and usable gift that meets a need no matter how small. This is achievable by knowing your partner well. What appeals to you may not appeal to your partner.
- Do fun things together. Isaac was a romantic guy. He was caught sporting with his wife. Genesis 26:8. Some men are so mechanical. Loosen up and have fun with your spouse.
- Eat at least one meal together each day if possible.
- Complement each other. Songs of Solomon 6:4, “Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners.” When last did you tell your wife she’s beautiful? Songs of Solomon 1:15, “Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes.” Let her know that she is special. After all, you chose her from many options. Songs of Solomon 2:2, “As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.” Who’s your lily among thorns? Songs of Solomon 4:1, “Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.”
I pray for every family, that forces of darkness will not succeed in pulling you apart. I pray for healing for every hurting man, woman or family, in the Name of Jesus. I pray for peace for every troubled marriage, in the Name of Jesus.
God will preserve you and keep you together. You will wax stronger and stronger. You will go from glory to glory, in the name of Jesus!
Bishop Dr. Charles Olowojoba is the General Overseer of Dayspring Bible Church Worldwide with HQ in Abuja, Nigeria & President, Dayspring Christian Ministries Int’l. Website: www.dayspringcmi.org e-mail: [email protected] Help line: 08035150515