Too cold to hold

‘She’s coming from the car.’ He replied, walking in. ‘Assalamu alaikum, Anti Bint.’ Abba added.‘Wa alaikumussalam, wa rahmatullah, wa barakatuhu, you are welcome. But sin number one, you never allow your bride to walk her way from the car alone. If you can’t go round to open her door, at least wait for her to […]

‘She’s coming from the car.’ He replied, walking in. ‘Assalamu alaikum, Anti Bint.’ Abba added.
‘Wa alaikumussalam, wa rahmatullah, wa barakatuhu, you are welcome. But sin number one, you never allow your bride to walk her way from the car alone. If you can’t go round to open her door, at least wait for her to come out, so the two of you can walk in together.’ I advised, before turning round to see his wife at the doorway. ‘Welcome, Hadiza. I was just telling your husband that he is not a romantic groom at all. Which new husband allows his bride to walk alone from the car?’ I joked.
‘Believe me that’s how she prefers it.’ Abba defended himself before his wife could speak.
‘Is this true?’ I asked, shaking Hadiza’s hand before walking her into the sitting room.
‘How are you and the family Anti Bint?’ she asked shyly, trying to avoid my question.
‘We are fine, Alhamdulillah. So you didn’t want your groom to wait so the two of you can come in holding hands?’ I asked, smiling.
‘I never said anything like that Anti.’ Hadiza replied, smiling back.
‘But you don’t have to say it. It’s there in your body language.’ Her husband said, sitting on the farthest end of the settee, away from her.
‘Wait a minute, am I witnessing your first lover’s quarrel?’ I asked.
‘It just so happens that this isn’t our first.’ He answered.
‘This isn’t your first? But you’ve only been married two weeks.’ I observed.
‘Yes, but they were two weeks within which I regretted not listening to all my friends who said marrying ‘holy-holy’ types like her can’t be much fun. At first I thought I was the one who will end up telling them ‘I told you so.’ I mean after our wedding when I first saw her without her trademark flowing hijab, I told myself what a lucky man I was. I actually congratulated her on her lovely hair and model-like figure. Then I added that even I wouldn’t want her to expose my hidden treasures to every unworthy eye, so she should continue with her hijab. Now all she does is to give me rules. She preaches to me day and night, I dared not come close to her but she will remember what The Prophet (PBUH) had to say about that.  Then at night, and this is every night, she will wake me up and say we will have to observe the tahajjud (night prayer) because again The Prophet (PBUH) had said there is great blessing for any couple that wakes up in the night to pray. I obliged her the first few nights. Then I told her that I was too tired to continue, but she preached that this was the best time to seek the hereafter since we are young and childless, that once the kids start coming, it won’t be easy to dedicate our time to worship. But at the rate we do nothing but pray every night, when will the kids ever come?’ Abba asked, rhetorically.
‘If this is true then you are being too hard on the two of you, Hadiza. A man on a honeymoon is first and foremost a lover. So to engage him in endless voluntary worship is to miss the point, as long as he observes his obligatory acts. In any case marriage itself is a form of worship. The Prophet PBUH said ‘fulfill half of your religion by getting married.’ And though those night prayers are highly commendable, you do not have to do them every night. Even once a week on Thursday nights, that is the late hours before Friday morning, is highly meritorious. So please allow your groom to enjoy his honeymoon. It only comes once in a marriage.’ I urged.
‘But Anti, I only want us to make the most of our free time. Once we begin to have children, it won’t be easy for us, unless we are lucky enough to live up to old age.’ Hadiza explained.
‘And who said this is your free time? This is the beginning of a very important relationship that is principally built on intimacy. Your husband should have your attention whenever he needs it. So stop your excessive preaching and let him enjoy being married, otherwise you will send him looking for another bride soon. I don’t know what it is you quote from the life of Rasulullah SAW that makes him freeze, but we know from his life history that he was a very romantic man, SAW. And he did caution a companion in an authentic hadith about excessive voluntary worship. This companion was reported by his wife as fasting every day and praying every night till morning. Rasulullah SAW advised him to fast and rest some days, as well as to pray some nights and sleep also “because your wife has a right over you, your visitor has a right over you and your body has a right over you.” So please, take a guide from this hadith and be moderate in your voluntary worship. Islam is the middle path, a religion of moderation. Do not overburden yourself or your husband unnecessarily.’ I admonished.
‘Ok Anti, I will do as you said.’ Hadiza assured me shyly.
‘As for you, at least join her every Thursday night, so you won’t be missing the blessings of tahajjud every night. But relax and enjoy your honeymoon from now on. You can start by moving next to her and holding her hands. That’s how newly-weds should be seen, not this wide apart.’ I said gesturing to how they were seated.’ Obviously needing very little encouragement, Abba moved next to his wife and held her hand in his.