Types of selfies and commentary (1)

Selfies have taken over the Internet. You can’t even log on to Facebook or Twitter or Instagram without being assaulted by the faces of every person you’ve ever met and never wanted to see again. It can all be a bit overwhelming, seeing so much ego and vanity colorfully filtered and arrayed for you on […]

Selfies have taken over the Internet. You can’t even log on to Facebook or Twitter or Instagram without being assaulted by the faces of every person you’ve ever met and never wanted to see again. It can all be a bit overwhelming, seeing so much ego and vanity colorfully filtered and arrayed for you on your wall.
The Show You My Good Side Selfie
Every successful selfie puts your best assets forward. For some of us, our eyes are our most attractive quality. For others, our full lips land us attention. When taking a selfie, it is important to be honest with yourself about your best qualities and mercilessly exploit them. If you aren’t being admired for your finer assets, what’s the point of taking a selfie?
The Bed Selfie
On those lazy days when the denizens of the Internet just don’t feel like getting out of bed, they find the strength to lift up their phone and take a selfie. For some reason, we have this need to let people know how lazy we are in this country. We like to be demonstrably lethargic, to let the world
The Beach Feet Brag Selfie
Not all selfies prominently feature one’s face. One of the most common types of selfie is this ridiculous variety of point-of-view shot. Some people most especially when they are at a beach feels that they owe it to the world to take a selfie of their feet in the sand.
The Bathroom Selfie
Few recent trends have been quite as disturbing as the bathroom selfie. As we spend our days fretting about the government’s access to our private records and worrying about being spied on, we willfully give up our last bastion of privacy by taking pics after we take a dump. It is usually taken using the bathroom mirrior.
The “I Eat, Therefore I Am” Seflie
This kind of selfie is usually taken at a restauran so as to capture the the individual and the food. Listen up, those of you who insist on taking pictures of yourselves with your food. No one is impressed with the food that you eat. Anyone with money, well really, anyone with a credit card, can order food.
The Gym Selfie
These are selfies usually taken after a workout. We will never understand the gym selfie. If you go to the gym regularly, people who know you will notice the results. Whether you are out at the club, working in the office, or attending a stamp collecting convention, your body will be on display. It’s as though people think that the gym has magical powers
The “I Saw A Celebrity” Selfie
These selfie is taken with a celebrity. How far do you think a celebrity can walk in public before they are forced into a selfie? Ten feet? Less? It probably differs depending on the level of fame we’re dealing with. We bet that Miley Cyrus, Lebron James, and the guys from Duck Dynasty don’t even leave the house without factoring several dozen selfie pitstops into their travel time.
 The Way Too Much Effort Collage Selfie
Here a person takes several selfies and then and then use a photo mixing app turned them into one photo.
If your selfie can be described as a “craft” or a “project” and not merely a photo, we have a problem. If you think your mother puts too much effort into scrapbooking, but here you are arranging photos in little squares, you need to check yourself. No one is giving you extra selfie points for degree of difficulty. If you find yourself making a photo collage of yourself, you need to put your phone in a drawer, take a long walk, and take stock of your priorities.
The Abs Selfie
Often done by people with six-pack abs. they raise a corner of their shirt to expose their abs when taking the selfie.
The world is proud of you for doing enough crunches and minimizing your Bagel Bite intake until you got yourself a six-pack. We will even permit you one selfie in celebration of your achievement. Heck, if you are an attractive woman wearing a sports bra, we’ll give you two. Just don’t think that you are going to reap any sort of rewards. Though tight abs are a nice bonus, women have already seen the rest of your body, your face, and your personality, and probably didn’t like what they saw. So, show off that newly acquired tummy, but don’t expect any spoils from your war with stomache fat.