Wanted, a factory that makes change

With a phobia for flying, I have nothing but admiration for my president’s love of jets. And to prove it, we are said to have eleven luxury presidential jets in the hangar. According to Garba Shehu, they cost us only N5 billion, not enough to tar the Okeagi-Mopa dust track. We should thank God that […]

With a phobia for flying, I have nothing but admiration for my president’s love of jets. And to prove it, we are said to have eleven luxury presidential jets in the hangar. According to Garba Shehu, they cost us only N5 billion, not enough to tar the Okeagi-Mopa dust track. We should thank God that our president saves us unnecessary hotel bills and aviation fuel by returning home to refuel after each summit, that is very considerate.
I know that people like me applied to patent Sai Baba’s body odour unknowing that even the best perfumes come with expiry date. The magic has expired according to enemies of Change. Darkness has finally covered our electricity and if God were not so kind, would have turned our days to night. Insecurity is said to be tasking Buratai’s best resolve with Boko Haram and Arase is praying for the wisdom of Solomon to defeat armed robbers. The Naira that once engaged the dollar in a face-off finally slipped off the precipice and is now enjoying the free fall law of gravity. As they say here – there is no cause for control, everything is under alarm!
So, if Sai Baba decides to do a few junkets before arthritis denies him the pleasure, let us welcome it. Besides, it would be a monumental waste of resources to have eleven presidential planes and fully kitted flying units without using it, except you’re Bashar al-Assad. I hope Sai Baba is collecting frequent flyer points; he would need it when he leaves office.
Criticisms are okay anytime. What is not okay is making undue comparisons. Those asking PMB to act like Malawi’s Joyce Banda ignore the anatomical differences between men and women that makes women natural home makers – try cooking a pot of soup with N2k in Naija if you’re a man. Mrs Banda inherited one airplane from her predecessor, but due to her phobia for flying, she sold it. When she represented herself for re-election, Malawi voters rejected her. Naija people have stopped comparing Naija’s Sai Baba with Canada’s gorgeous Justin Trudeau, they are rivaling one a poor man by the name of John Magufuli.
Magufuli is the president of the poor coastal nation of Tanzania. Until now, the only thing it ever exported was a curious guy with the title of Nwalimu who created another nasal-sounding policy called Ujamaa that achieved nothing except increase the heights of the two characters carrying the shield on the Tanzanian coat of arms.
Magufuli is eager to earn the unenviable title of Junior Nyerere according to reports in Lusakatimes but – God forbid – if he were Naija’s president, we would have nicknamed him ‘President Araldite’. 
According to the report, last week as the parliament was inaugurated; Magufuli rode the 600-kilometer road to Dodoma with a drastically reduced convoy. I hear Sai Baba now makes the long journey between the villa and the airport in a helicopter. Not tired after such a silly feat, he slashed the guest list and the 300million Shillings inauguration dinner budget to 25million. He ordered the savings to be used to purchase beds, mattresses and bed covers for Muhimblili hospital.  That covered 300 beds.
It shouldn’t concern me but is this Magufuli challenging the irrepressible Nasir el-Rufai who gloated over the prudence of Change Independence Day budget of N70 million? Magufuli equally cancelled official independence celebration asking – how can we be celebrating independence when our country is suffering from cholera. He ordered everybody to clean up his or her surroundings instead. Go to Nyanya and Karu or Mararaba and see how clean our suburbs are.
When 50 Tanzanians applied to do a tour of commonwealth countries, they found Magufuli’s slashing knife as he reduced the number to four (4) – the number of alphabets in his first name. He saved money in tickets and per diems. Magufuli must have been reading Digbolugi Fayose’s exploits because his impromptu early morning visits to ministries has woken up Tanzania’s evil servants who now congest early morning traffic instead of going to work at twelve and closing early to beat evening traffic.
Thank God, Magufuli is unlikely to be at the Commonwealth Summit except Sai Baba offers him a free ride. He should beware doing that when the Zambian President showed up at Magufuli’s inauguration with a planeload of gifts, Magufuli asked him to return the gifts to Zambia and give to the poor! He has banned needless foreign junkets asking Tanzanian embassies to represent their nation and feed him back ostensibly. Only him, his vice and the prime minister would, when needed, travel first class – Easyjet everyone!
Magufuli is only 51 years old and judging by the comments from his compatriots, they maintain a siddon look attitude for President Araldite for now. What does it matter, Naija people voted for Change, Tanzanians have change and Sai Baba has been travelling all over the world to select the best factory that can manufacture Change. The question is – when will they supply and begin installation?