What an abomination

‘So what is the great emergency?’ ‘This’ she said, handing me a photo of her half-brother and half-sister in a beautiful portrait pose. ‘This is your brother and sister, what happened to them?’ I asked in alarm. ‘Nothing, except that they want to get married, to each other.’ She emphasised. ‘Really, well that’s a real […]

‘So what is the great emergency?’

‘This’ she said, handing me a photo of her half-brother and half-sister in a beautiful portrait pose.

‘This is your brother and sister, what happened to them?’ I asked in alarm.

‘Nothing, except that they want to get married, to each other.’ She emphasised.

‘Really, well that’s a real surprise.’ I observed smiling.

‘A real surprise? Is that all you can say Bint? These are my two siblings we are talking about, it is wrong, it’s an abomination!’ She screamed.

‘No it’s not. They may be your two siblings but they are totally unrelated to each other. Bashir shares a mother with you while Baraka shares a father with you. Except for you they have nothing in common.’ I argued.

‘But that’s the point, how will it look for me to go round telling the world my brother and my sister are getting married to each other? It doesn’t sound right, in fact it sounds incestuous.’ Maryam cried.

‘Not when you take the trouble to explain to people that they are your half-siblings from different parents.’ I insisted.

‘But why should I be put into the difficult position of explaining things to anyone? Why must they settle for each other? Like I told Bashir this morning, aren’t there enough women in this world to choose from that he has to pick my sister?’ She recalled.

‘Oh, so they were here this morning?’ I asked.

‘Yes, was that not when they gave me the bombshell? They walked in here like they normally do, so I didn’t suspect a thing. The only odd thing was instead of sitting on different chairs, they sat on the settee next to each other. I still refused to let myself see anything wrong with that. It was when Bashir handed me this framed photo that I began to feel uneasy. Still all I said was ‘How nice, when did you pose for this picture?’

‘A few days ago’ Bashir answered and added ‘and we want to tell you that we plan to get married.’

‘You what, are you crazy? How can you two marry each other? Don’t you know that you are my brother and sister?’I demanded.

‘Yes but we are not directly related. There is nothing unlawful in what we are planning.’ Bashir replied, looking directly back at me.

‘Well I assure you that there is everything wrong with it as far as am concerned. There is no way I will give my backing to such an abomination. Of all the women that abound in this world you can’t see anyone to marry except your own stepsister? And you Baraka, what about all the young men who are courting you? Why must you bring this embarrassment into our family because you believe it’s lawful? Well count me out of this, there is no way I will support your crazy match.’ I screamed.

‘Please Yaya be reasonable about this,’ Bashir appealed. ‘If it’s not something forbidden by God, surely you have no reason to be embarrassed by it. You know what Rasulullah SAW said “If it does not cause you to be ashamed, do whatever you wish.” And you know that there is nothing shameful in anything Islam recognises as lawful.’ He added.

‘Look Ustaz, don’t try to preach to me, you hear. There is something inherently wrong with your love match and I want you to face it. Each one of my parents is a parent to one of you. How can you two be husband and wife? If you still can’t see things the way I see them, please get up and leave. I have nothing more to say to you.’ I commanded.

‘But Yaya we need your support. We are counting on you to break the news to our parents. Please reason with us.’ He appealed.

‘To break news to who? Please don’t expect me to do your dirty job for you. If you want your parent’s to know, you have to tell them yourselves.’ I replied.

‘Ok, we will go and see them ourselves, and if they feel the way you do, then we will have no choice but to run away and get married.’ Bashir said resolutely, rising up. Looking over at Baraka I said:

‘You are a female, I expect you to use your head wisely, don’t do anything you will regret later.’ I cautioned. Nodding her head, Baraka wordlessly followed her suitor behind. That was when I decided to call you. I needed to talk to someone desperately. I have never heard about such madness before in my life. For goodness sake they are virtually brother and sister. They have been spending their holidays with me, long before they became teenagers. And I have never known them to get along, they were always quarrelling in those days.

Then suddenly they stopped quarrelling and seemed to be getting along. And I put it down to maturity. When he was doing his NYSC in Lagos I always heard the latest about him from her, but to me it was nothing unusual because they have now learnt to coexist. And now this, how can I ever give consent to something so totally crazy?’ Maryam concluded.

‘Well you have a choice here. You can either refuse to consent and have them run away, or you can let them to marry in a normal, respectable manner and allow peace to reign.’ I advised.

‘Haba Bint, do you honestly see nothing wrong with this? Would you have allowed such a match between your two siblings if you were in my shoes?’ she demanded.

‘I know it’s an unusual situation but yes I would have allowed it because it is not unlawful. That is the key word Maryam, it’s not unlawful. Many similarly unusual or embarrassing matches have been allowed to go ahead because Islam does not outlaw them. Have you not been a living witness to those marriages where men marry their wife’s cousins because it is not forbidden? How about the increasingly common incident of a man marrying either his cousin or his ward, who has been living under him and his wife for a long time, some right from childhood? I am not saying these situations are ideal but the only reason society accepts such is because they are not unlawful. Yes they are terribly awkward situations and they cause a great deal of heartache but they are not forbidden. So see your siblings’ proposed marriage in the same way.’ I urged.

‘But all the examples you gave involved cousins, Bint. These are my brother and my sister, they are much too close, it’s even more awkward.’ Maryam insisted.

‘On the contrary, they are actually more distant than cousins, because the same blood doesn’t run in their veins. They are not directly related, how many times must I tell you this? You are the only thing they have in common. Yes you have 50 of the same blood with either of them. But they don’t share anything besides you. And if you were to die tonight then they will have nothing in common anymore and I dare say their problems will be solved.’ I joked.

‘Bint, you mean you’d rather have me die than end this weird relationship?’ she asked in alarm.

‘Well you are making a great fuss over nothing, so why not? Please allow them to get married. Explain to everyone who wants to know how it happened that way. It won’t be long before people will find something else to fascinate them and move on. Otherwise you will either keep these two young people unhappy or you will send them into a life of sin if they ran away and decide to live together before they eventually marry. You know they are both young adults and Baraka has just graduated. Without a campus regime to go back to, she can join him to run away and end up causing a bigger scandal than if they had been lawfully married. Please give them your blessings and convince your parents to do the same. Don’t worry about what people will say, just do what is right. You have nothing to lose.’ I advised.