What are couples’ responsibilities in marriage?

“My husband and I are both working, yet he leaves me majorly to care for the children, do homework and social activities with them. I feel drained. Each time I ask him to help out; he tells me that I’m the woman, that it’s my job. I mean I work too and pay half of […]

“My husband and I are both working, yet he leaves me majorly to care for the children, do homework and social activities with them. I feel drained. Each time I ask him to help out; he tells me that I’m the woman, that it’s my job. I mean I work too and pay half of the bills. Is this fair and is this what responsibility in marriage is all about?” asks a mother of four.
These are some of the complaints women in most marriages or relationships always make.
Ndubuisi Okani says it is foul play for the man to evade his responsibilities: “Raising children is a collective responsibility. I’m not trying to sing my praise, but I take my children out and do some of the house chores on some weekends so that their mom can stay at home and rest because she has worked hard all week. Marriage is a collaborative effort and so is the responsibility of the children on each parent.”
Some people are of the opinion that one partner should never be overburdened with the responsibility of the family. Khadijat Abullateef says: “One party shouldn’t be overburdened whether man or woman. Raising a successful family involves both parties. Please let all men be helpers of their women and let all women be helpers of their men. No responsibility is specifically made for a gender. A woman is good at doing what she does because she was trained to do so, if she was trained to behave like a man she would equally do it. I suggest we all fill in in whatever capacity we can and assist each other. This way the family will forge ahead so will the society at large.”
Bunmi Olatunji thinks it’s high time we discarded the wrong notion women doing all the household chores: “Do husbands want to kill their wives? Mothers train your boys to do all house chores and remember to tell them that their wives are not their slaves but flowers to be taken good care of. That is the only way we can change the culture we already have in the society about women bearing the burden of the whole family.”
Ify Tochukwu Nwabueze believes that: “It would be much better when we advise someone we do it politely to help boost the person’s feelings and not telling the person harsh words like ‘your husband is wicked’. Men are not perfect and no marriage is perfect. I suggest she should use her attitude to change her husband. Every man has a soft spot, recognise it and use it well and watch him become your helper. Then people will tell you that you are using charms. Speak to him kindly always,learn to talk like a baby,you will see results. Above all,remember to pray always,God changes every situation.”
On the other hand, other women believe it should be a thing of pride and carry on with it and not complain. Peace Abbeynotes that: “Let that be her cross and she should be happy because it is a very light cross. What we hear is motherhood and not fatherhood, right! So why is she bothered about him, if she wants her children to be of the very best in the society she should go ahead and do what is best for them even if their dad isn’t contributing. Be grateful to God. It is a common cross many of us mothers have to carry; somehow, we find a way to carry it. In my case we both work, go out same time, come in same time, and I still have to do the job of motherhood! That is where our pride is; don’t forget the children know who does what and what. Their success is what should matter and nothing more.”
Victoria Adams says: “It’s not easy. But stop complaining and start having fun doing it. At a point he’ll get jealous of the closeness you have with the kids. As for the paying of bills, let him know there is a need for him to step up to his responsibilities and you can only chip in to help when necessary.”
Olamiji Omosanya says communication is an important ingredient in marriage:“I want to first ask her how she communicates with her husband. Does she nag or use kind words in asking for his help? Remember soft words take away wrath. If after discussing it in the best subtle way that she can and he still doesn’t change, I will advise she does what she can  but a little at a time. Stress isn’t what she needs at this time of her life. Her children need her and she needs to be alive to make sure that her children get the right guidance.”