What are the best ways to tame an unruly child?

When children misbehave, it can be stressful for their parents and caregivers and it indicates that the child is upset, fearful, or confused. Handling an unruly child requires some skill. But then how would you tame an unruly or rude child? Amanda, a five-year-old-child is known for using rude terms even when speaking to older […]

When children misbehave, it can be stressful for their parents and caregivers and it indicates that the child is upset, fearful, or confused. Handling an unruly child requires some skill. But then how would you tame an unruly or rude child?
Amanda, a five-year-old-child is known for using rude terms even when speaking to older people. Regardless the amount of talking or punishment, there seems to be no change in her behaviour. This has raised serious concerns of her parents and other family members and neighbours. They ask questions like: ‘How long will she continue like this? Why can’t the parents do anything to stop her before it gets too late?’
 It’s common for young children to express themselves physically when they don’t have enough words to say what they want or need. But for some children, that may not be the case. They simply derive joy from behaving in an unruly manner. But how can this be checked or stopped from getting out of hand? A number of respondents had varying opinions.
Prince Oke, a business man in his early thirties, said the best way to check such children is to use the holy books to counsel them and in some cases, use the cane. That way, he says, “it makes the discipline more balanced.”
Oke added that: “It is not every time you flog a child. He or she might get used to it and say, after all, ‘mummy will only flog me and I will only cry.’ So you see, the child gets used to the beatings but when you discipline the child using word of mouth and sometimes, you flog when they don’t expect it; that way, it makes the discipline balanced,” he added.
Uche Okoro a 40 year old psychologist and marriage counselor said that sometimes it could be as a result of what they are watching on television. “Some of the things these children watch can affect them negatively. When you notice a child developing such behaviour, handle it immediately because our cultural and religious beliefs do not believe in the use of foul language and in this part of the world, respect is something we hold dearly to,” he added.
Concurring with the first respondent, Maryam Mohammed a student in her mid 20s said that what the kids watch really has a great influence on them.
Uju Chukwu , a civil servant in her mid thirties cited an instance with her daughter. She said that when she was about four years old, she was fond of insulting people and calling them names.
“Each time she did that, I would tell her I’d beat her although I never did. When I tell her she would just laugh and she kept doing it. I noticed that it was getting out of hand so one day when she did it, I got a cane and I flogged her and warned her never to do it again. She was shocked after the flogging.”
She added that: “Even at 7 years, when she does something and I tell her I’ll beat her, she knows I’ll definitely do it so she just apologizes and promises not to do it again because she knows that if she does, I’ll beat her.”
Working together with children so that they can learn better self-control will help both parties to feel calm more often. Mrs. Esther Bethel, a mother of one said: “Remember that it is the child’s behaviour that is the problem. My little daughter behaves that way sometimes and what I do is I tell those who she insults that anytime she does that, they should beat her.”
She however added that unruly children should know that they are loved and that you see them in a positive light despite their disruptive behaviour. “Don’t always use the cane on them, because it might scare them away from you. If you have to do that, after flogging them sit them down and let them know the reason why you had to flog them. I believe that is the best way to tame them”.
Some other respondents said that the reason children and toddlers become unruly at an early age is because of the absence of a parent. Mr. Emeka Franklyn, a father of two who runs a provision store in Life Camp believes that when the discipline of a child is done by only one person, the child would behave badly.
He related the experience of a relative whose son at nine years-old insults those older than him and despite all the caution by the mother, “he still hasn’t stopped, so she has decided to ban the boy from associating with other children. She is the only one training the boy that’s why he has refused to desist from his bad behaviour so I think banning him from playing with other kids is the right thing to do; because I would also do the same thing to my child if I see that all the efforts I’ve made to stop him failed.”
He also said that banning his child from playing with other kids in the neighbourhood is another option “because sometimes that is where they learn such things from.”