What do you do when friends leak your secrets?

One way friendships help us is by allowing us share our concerns and worries with someone we feel very comfortable with.  As a result of the confidence we have in that person, we hope that our friend will treat this information with care. But most times something happens: and the cat is let out of […]

One way friendships help us is by allowing us share our concerns and worries with someone we feel very comfortable with.  As a result of the confidence we have in that person, we hope that our friend will treat this information with care. But most times something happens: and the cat is let out of the bag.

A popular adage says “a problem shared is a problem half solved”. So, in the event that you have shared some secrets with your friend(s) and you later discovered that your friend has told people about it, what do you do? How do you stop such a person from divulging your secrets, especially if there are more that have not yet been revealed?

Lifextra sought peoples’ responses and here are some of the answers we got. 

Taofik Rotimi said he would swallow it and advise the person if necessary. He added “I will also use it as an opportunity to warn myself not to try such in my life again.”

When we asked how he would stop such a person from divulging his secrets, especially if there are more not yet revealed, he said “I guess you just have to beg the person not to and pray/hope the person does not.”

Juliana Undie, a teacher, told Lifextra “I might not quit the friendship entirely but I’ll distance myself.”

Then revealing how she would stop such a person from divulging her secrets especially if there are those not yet revealed, her response was “Well, body language tells a lot but if she’s aware I found out about her deeds and my attitude changes towards her, she should know why. But if she still wants to hear from me, I’ll just be candid with her.”

“The truth is no matter how I react, it will not change the fact that my secrets have already gotten to the public. It would not erase what the audience has heard. So I won’t just react too much, however, if it’s a friend that still means a lot to me, I’ll just call and have a chat to express my disappointment and I’ll keep my secrets from such a friend next time,” says Saraphina Dupe Idemudia.

She added “Since the friend is the one that has my secrets, I’ll just beg or probably make her feel guilty of her previous actions so she sees the need not to repeat the same thing.”

Odu Juliana says “Never betray confidence in a friendship/relationship. If she could do it once she will do it again, I will tell her how bad I felt and how her action can destroy our relationship. If she plays deaf ear to my advice, I will forgive her and keep things to myself, I won’t take her along in my daily activities, I will stop her from being my close pal.”

Mal Moussa, a Kaduna-based trained data analyst, said “If a friend should leak your confidential information to the public, you will be disappointed. But the lesson behind his attitude is what will make you stronger, so it’s better not to allow everyone among your friends know your secrets.”

Speaking on what he’ll do, he added “I will never risk giving him any information again. I will just learn from what he did and move on.”

Hunjo Femi, a Lagos-based engineer, says it depends on the kind of relationship they have had in the past, “So if he feels bad about what he did, I will definitely forgive him and continue with our friendship. But if he doesn’t, I will just overlook and let it go but it will definitely affect our friendship.”

Proposing a rather extreme way out, Rahul Upadhyaya in a similar topic of discourse, responding to how to stop a friend threatening to spill your secret in an online forum wrote, “Your best bet would be to find some dirty secret that that person has, and hold this as leverage against him/her. This tactic (Mutually Assured Destruction) is what prevents many nations from using nuclear weapons in today’s world. That being said, you need to find a darn good secret of his to hold against his head.”