What is the way out of a cheating relationship?

“I just discovered that my husband of four years has been cheating on me. He works and lives in a different state from where I live. I have always wondered why he stopped ‘touching’ me. In a year he will only touch me like twice or so. When I complained he said the only constant […]

“I just discovered that my husband of four years has been cheating on me. He works and lives in a different state from where I live. I have always wondered why he stopped ‘touching’ me. In a year he will only touch me like twice or so. When I complained he said the only constant thing in life is change. That things can’t always be the same. We have two lovely kids. I feel my world crashing, and I am thinking of leaving him.
“He is into affairs with different ladies. When traveling home from his base, he breaks his journey and sleeps over in hotels with any of them. When his phone rings in my presence, he refuses to takethe call and puts it on silent mode. His phone is most times on the silent mode and he also usescoded words too. Our second baby is just two months old; I am really confused.
“I have not confronted him with my suspicions yet; I have seen different text messages to and from different ladies. He even directs them to his house to go wait for him before he closes from work. Should I confront him now or just take it as part of a man’s nature?”
Cheating is an issue that arises from time to time in a relationship. In some cases, it could be one borne out of suspicion or jealousy, but most times when it turns out to be true, it can have an ugly and dangerous effecton the relationship. Most women tend to be at a fix when confronted with the idea or news that their partners are cheating on them and in the heat of the confusion they do not know how to go about the problem. To help out the lady in question here,Womanhood spoke to some respondents on what she and other women who find themselves in similar a situation can do to handle the problem.
Vanessa Masiye, a caterer says “because our suspicions can drive us to think negatively, there is every need for her to verify and get facts that herspouse is really cheating before jumping into conclusions:“I would suggest she gets the necessary proof that he is cheating before she concludes. Because accusation without evidence leads to more hurt and frustration. Confront him when you have the evidence and do it in person don’t and never involve a second party.There is nothing as ban as involving a second or third party when cheating is false not to talk of when it is real.’’
Meme Efiom is surprised  that a legal marriage can go on for a year without any intimate relationship and questions if that is normal in any relationship. “He hasn’t ‘touched’ her in a year she said? She needs to confront him when she has evidence. Confront him and hear his version and what reasons he will give for the multi-purpose relationships he is having around. Only then can she get a clear sense of direction on where her marriage is headed. She can’t keep hurting herself like that while he has his fun elsewhere.’’
But just as some respondents gave serious advice to the troubled wife, others sounded a bit funnyin their opinions. Eba Ewedu, an undergraduate, says: “First of all, I will suggest she goes and checks herself first to make sure he hasn’t infected her with any disease. If she is certified clear then the war can be unleashed. When I say war I don’t mean war on the husband, there is no need for war on the husband because he is far too gone in his misdeeds, staging a war on him would just mean killing everyone including herself.
“When I say war, I mean the war of praying and fasting. No need to talk to your friends and family, they can’t help in this situation, trust me. I know from experience. There is only OneWho can change this situation around, no other than God.’’
Ajayi Wunmmi says with commitment and diligence,the lady in question can always get her marriage back if she confronts him without rage in her voice and action. “A cheating husband is one of the most painful experiences any wife can go through. But it is not the end of the world. She can always get her marriage back if she confronts him with calm and not nagging about the whole issue. As the wife, she has higher chances of talking sense back into his deluded mind. If he comes around she should find out what she is really not doing well to have him keeping so many ladies outside. If he wants variety she should learn to spice up her marriage which will give him a reason to always run home back to her’’
Though most respondents suggested that she should confront the problem by talking it over with him, but Obideyi Busayo Tolani suggests she should learn to turn a blind eye to every negative thing in her marriage. “The best thing she or any woman can ever do to enjoy her marriage is to turn into a blind, deaf and dumb woman. ‘See and hear no evil’ is my policy to living an everlasting marriage or relationship. As women we need to pretend that we do not see anything that he is engaged in outside the home, instead I would encourage her to keep herself busy with a hobby. A time will come when he will come begging for her forgiveness.It’s not easy but she should give it a try and see how it will work like magic.’’
But Aurelie K. Tonjock has a different opinion. She says no lady should give men the impression that women cannot live without men. “The lady in question should not make that man think without him her life will end. No woman as a matter of fact should ever give a man that impression as that is their major weapon to use against us when it comes to cheating. I will suggest the strategy she should use is to perfect herself in happiness so that he feels belittled each time he sees she is not moved by his actions. It’s hard to do but my dearest sister,it is the best thing to do in this wicked world which is believed to be the man’s world.’’
Anthonia Okafor says it is natural for men to be polygamous in nature and so easily use the excuse to continue with whatever kind of life they intend to live.  “Confronting him won’t change anything as they say men are polygamous by nature and there is nothing we can do about it.  She should just make sure her kids are well taken care of. She should get her mind off the cheating game, continue to love him and above all pray for his change of heart. Life has no duplicate; his cheating nature isn’t worth your sleepless nights and tears.”
Vivian Agom advises that divorce should be the last thing on her mind right now. “It is not easy and divorce would be the only thing racing through her mind and so will friends and family suggest to her. Is she is legally married?The option of divorce should never come up for any reason. As a Christian, divorce is a sin and should never be encouraged. Remember the vows were for better or for worse and till death do you part. She should learn to trust in God and believe that she is never alone. No matter how long it takes, her husband will come back to her; it’s just all about patience and endurance.And remember that there is never a Mr. Perfect,as human beings we all have flaws.”
Mrs Ibitola Adeniji, a marriage educator, sums it all up with this advice: “If God truly brought you two together then he will surely give you the courage to overcome whatever challenges and stumbling blocks that are put in your way in marriage. It might be tough and very disheartening, but the ability to come out of it victoriously at the end of everything all is all that matters.
“Suspicion on the other hand destroys a happy home; suspicion should never be given a chance in marriage.  Be there for your kids and enjoy your life because if you worry yourself and die or if you divorce him all those ladies will come and take your place. And most importantly, put him in prayer. Change the things you can and leave the rest for God.’’