What is your child up to?

prostitution petty stealing and robbery, of recent, kidnapping etc. many of these indulgencies by kids have seen many parents going down in tears of sorrow and regret. Some parents tried hard as they could to guide their children, they fail; while others do not even try at all, they instead pamper and over protect their […]

prostitution petty stealing and robbery, of recent, kidnapping etc. many of these indulgencies by kids have seen many parents going down in tears of sorrow and regret. Some parents tried hard as they could to guide their children, they fail; while others do not even try at all, they instead pamper and over protect their children. These increased incidences only bring to fore that parents have failed in their responsibilities.
Children are meant to be a source of joy and not of sorrow.
Peer group is another source of misdemeanour for adolescent. Do you know the kind of friends your child keep and what they might be discussing? As your child especially your teenage child gets older, the more they might want to make and take decisions on their own. For the grown up children who are adults, their parents only need to be consulted and receive wise counseling, they can take decisions on their own. For the adolescents in a transition stage of their life, parents would have to be really tact, innovative and be firm and strict to help them to take decisions. Children below 14 years can never be left alone to take any decision particularly on their life, because of the obvious reasons that they have not really experienced life as adults.
There is the fact that you cannot always take decisions for them but then you cannot let go of the responsibility to monitor their activities and the kind of company they keep. The roles of parents become even more prominent at this point of their lives. You cannot tag along or watch every of their moves, that does not mean parents should just siddon look what their wards do.
There are times when you need to set rules for your kids, in doing so, parents have to be firm and not be afraid of doing so, they need to understand that there are times when you need to be a parent and not a buddy!
Parents should also begin to monitor their kids when they reach ten years and early enough from the preteen years. We need to be more engaged in what they are doing and not be afraid to ask questions that need answers from them. Tthat would not one way or the other be harmful to the kid’s life or well being.
It is okay to dialogue with the older children, for the younger ones, you listen to them and take the right decision for them. This is very important due to the vulnerability of the later group.
If you have matured and intelligent children, parenting could be fun but it entails a lot of work, commitment, honesty and patience. We do not just leave kids to their fate and friends who could be of negative influence. “There is every need for us to reconsider our family values, as trying to be westernized have cost us a lot in this country. Many of us may want the best for our kids but at the end they pay us back with disgrace.  So, tell me how do I cope with the struggle for our upkeep and equally put an eye on them? It is the responsibility of the mother and not mine!” snapped Ibrahim Audu, a businessman. A clear case of pushing the bulk (a discussion for another time).
Most parents know that attempting to constantly oversee their adolescents’ activities can be frustrating, and often an impossible undertaking. Like one psychologist once put, child up-bringing is a twenty-year project that there is no casual and annual leave.
As children grow, they are increasingly testing and always asserting their independence. Yet, regardless of what they might tell you or how they act, adolescents are not ready to be totally independent. Unlike peer groups, which are not stable over time, parents are more stable or permanent in the life of an adolescent. Research has shown that adolescent whose parents maintain an influence and maintain strong communication contacts engage in fewer risks behaviors and engage in unhealthy social behaviors.
“I have had to join the facebook on the net to be able to monitor the kind of friends my children keep and what they discuss. You know this internet of a thing has brought along with it positive and negative consequences. It is only necessary I do this so as to avoid letting my kids get brain washed by peer group and friends,” says Mrs. Amina Shuaibu, a head teacher of a secondary school in Abuja.
Careful monitoring does not mean taking away child’s freedom to decide what he wants to do. Effective monitoring also means establishing firm guidelines and limits for your child to keep track of what is going in his/her social life.
So in a nutshell the whole thing still falls back on us parents! Getting to know who your child is, and helping them pursue their own goals, is the best way to ensure their future happiness and success.  Which, of course, will ensure your own?