What Nyako must do to survive

Yet, the choices are either to keep hiding under the broom in pouring rain or stay under the umbrella. It is a daunting dilemma. You wouldn’t believe that a former naval chief could abscond from his safe haven and be dodging bailiffs for weeks. For nearly eight years, Adamawa lawmakers comfortably condoned the state’s looting […]

Yet, the choices are either to keep hiding under the broom in pouring rain or stay under the umbrella. It is a daunting dilemma.
You wouldn’t believe that a former naval chief could abscond from his safe haven and be dodging bailiffs for weeks. For nearly eight years, Adamawa lawmakers comfortably condoned the state’s looting style by adopting the – you scratch my back I rub yours strategy. Like the predatory dog, the EFCC watches events waiting for the vulnerable moment to snarl. They found the state accountant and pronto, the legislooters dug up the now famous 40 Sins of Nyako and his deputy.
Nyako returned to check the Naval Survival Guide and suddenly realised that it is better to be a failed farmer than an ex-convict. Nyako knows how to safely hide under the protective skirts of his wives but skirts don’t protect against the rain as the umbrella, so he found the courage to return to Yola and the wisdom to needlessly shut down the state for two days. His traducers understood that the inventor of the pencil also incorporated the eraser, so they exercised their rights to seat and advance the ship of state. This is the hallmark of the hard work and dedication with which they have transformed the state in eight years. The hotelier tried to be a spoilsport, but ended up a distraction.
When the opportunity presented itself for a Council of State meeting in the Rock of Offence, Nyako did not miss the chance to show loyalty. Months earlier he could have sent his deputy but this time, he was there live, pumping hands and patting backs. As Lawal Kaita would’ve put it, he could have asked to cook for President Jones if Mama Peace had let him. He knows that to earn his present salary for life as pension, he would need the friendship of President Jones.
When the ruining party established the EFCC, they were only joking. But Nuhu Ribadu had no sense of humour and had to be replaced. Since his exit, the camels of corruption have been sneaking through the eye of the needle to join the looting saints. Check these out – Diepreye Alamieyeseigha was the first official transvestite to slip through the net of the London Met in the anti-corruption joking era. If anyone called him a thief today, they are likely to get a summon akin to that of the fat bum who slept his way through a New York baseball game only to sue the media for $10 million for transmitting the video. If the clown lived in Naija he would’ve known that sleeping on duty is a exclusively reserved for the likes of the SGF and corn-ference delegates.
Bode George spent two years in the slammer but barely missed the physical presence of the president at his return party. To compensate, his wife is the new drug courier-catcher. Mohammed Sani Abacha has never worked in his little life. His enemies claimed he inherited so much in Swiss cash to make Dangote regret the days of growing his money. The poor boy could have ended up in jail but political sagacity saved the day. Left in the lurch by the opposition, he returned to the fold. Today all vicarious charges have dropped off him and he is on queue to be addressed as ‘his excellency’.
For a moment, Femi Fani Kayode strayed from the umbrella perhaps chasing his last female conquest. With the EFCC snarling at him, he returned to the fold, pronto; his crimson-soaked garment has been bleached whiter than snow. Ayo Fayose realized that for as long as he was sitting there in limbo, his freedom and future were compromised. He retreated and became a returnee Excellency-in-waiting. Space will not permit me to recall the miraculous senate mandate given to Iyiola Omisore from detention.
To prevent ending up in Yola prison, Baba Mai Mangoro should return to the last page on the Naval Survival Manual. The dusted 40 Sins of Nyako teaches the morale that suave seafarers know too much – there are two types of waters – hot and cold; and that even the fish would not get into trouble if it learns to keep its mouth shut. That Nyako believes he can leverage on his past camaraderie to wriggle out of this hot water is enough reason for his shrink to work harder. Nyako should take a cue from Oladipo Diya – return to the villa, go on his knees and beg. Next, he must package and deliver Adamawa to the ruining party. Anything less and he’ll be peeping through 2015 from Yola prison. Now who says Jones is clueless?