What’s all the fuss on inter-ethnic marriages anyway?

Gift and Chris were so in love with each other and they had been dating for four years and decided to make their love official by observing the proper rites of marriage in accordance to culture. Gift told her parents of the intentions of Chris and the parents were excited about it but the joy […]

Gift and Chris were so in love with each other and they had been dating for four years and decided to make their love official by observing the proper rites of marriage in accordance to culture. Gift told her parents of the intentions of Chris and the parents were excited about it but the joy and excitement didn’t last for long. Her parents started asking normal questions in a quest to knowing a bit about the man who wants to marry their daughter. When it got to the question of where he hails from, she was shocked: Gift had always known that her parents were against inter-ethnic marriage, but what she didn’t know is that she was not allowed to marry from outside her state. She could only protest that he’s Igbo, to their disapproval.
Gift’s parents spelt it out to her in clear terms, ‘you must get married to someone from Anambra State’. She was confused but tried convincing her parents to change their mind. But her kept insisting they didn’t want her to “go far from home”. In the long run, Gift and Chris gave up their dream to becoming husband and wife.
Gift’s experience was shared with some individuals and a variety of opinions surfaced. Adaobi Okoye, from Anambra State, said: “It is a known fact that girls from Anambra are not allowed to marry from other Igbo states not to talk of other states. But this depends strictly on the parents of the individuals involved. If I were to be Gift, I wouldn’t have given up like that because I am the one going into the marriage, not my parents. For God’s sake! Getting a husband these days is not easy,” she said.
Funke Adeboye, 53, is from Osun State and she said: “I don’t see any reason why a parent should pick a spouse for kids. To me that is an archaic way to do things. When you ask the parents their reason for not allowing their children marry from other ethnic groups, it almost always turns out that their reasons are not good. You would hear a parent saying ‘people from A-state are wicked, the women there are promiscuous, there are witches and wizards there’ and such. All of these are over-generalizing, because they have not actually had firsthand experience.”
Adeboye went on to give her personal experience,” I am from Osun State but I am married to an indigene of Edo State. When I introduced my husband to my parents, they initially had no issue with it, until my uncle told them that men from that area usually marry a second wife if the first isn’t from the same area as them. My parents on hearing that from my uncle, started kicking against the marriage. I even remember my mum crying and pleading with me not to marry my husband, but I stood my ground. Today I am still happily married to my husband, with two wonderful sons.”
But Festus Jonathan, from Delta State, believes Gift was right to have listened to her parents, “Because I personally don’t approve of inter-ethnic marriage.” He voiced fears of any kind of crisis that may spawn a separation of the country as a reason. “Look at the present happenings in the country, we don’t pray or anything bad but what if something goes wrong and the prediction of a separation of Nigeria comes to pass, then what happens? I have three daughters and I won’t allow them get married outside my state. Even within Delta State, there are some areas they can’t go to, because of their way of life and culture. I see in movies, in the Eastern part of the state, if a woman loses her husband, she is expected to shave her head out of respect and if she is suspected to have killed her husband, she must drink the water used to bathe his corpse. This is one of the things I’m mindful of. No parent can bear to see the daughter suffer all for the sake of marriage.”
Ironically, Omaro Jonathan, the daughter of Festus Jonathan, said she wouldn’t let her parents chart her future to the point of choosing her husband. “They are only meant to guide me. How can Gift’s parents tell her she can’t marry Chris? Simply because they don’t want her to go far from Anambra State? We’re all one, for God’s sake. Do parents think there is a market where you go and pick husbands of your choice? Or should daughters go around carrying sign-boards advertising the kind of man they should marry? Inter-ethnic marriages build bonds across the whole nation.”
Ngozi Ojo was so interested in the topic, as she had a personal experience. She narrated: “it is really funny now, but back then when it was happening, it wasn’t. Almost the same time I introduced my husband to my parents, was the time when I had a suitor from my village. My husband is from Kogi State and my parents who are from Imo refused firmly. They wanted me to marry the man from my place, but this man in question I didn’t like. He was arrogant and always flaunted his wealth. The pressure from my parents was so much that I almost gave up, but I thank God for perseverance. Today I am married to my husband and happy I did because he is the best man for me.”
Uche Okafor, a Marriage Counsellor, summed it up. “Marriage shouldn’t be built on the ethnicities of individuals but should have a foundation on love and trust. If you are to even consider things like religion, health, finance, etc., that of ethnicity is the most trivial, as long as both parties understand each other and have agreed to be joined together in union.”