What’s the best way to correct children?

“Even if daddy beats me hundred times nothing will happen. He is only beating me on my body but inside my mind, the beating is not entering.” These were the words of seven-year-old Abraham Jatau, whose father had just given him three strokes of the cane on his bum for pushing his younger sister off […]

“Even if daddy beats me hundred times nothing will happen. He is only beating me on my body but inside my mind, the beating is not entering.” These were the words of seven-year-old Abraham Jatau, whose father had just given him three strokes of the cane on his bum for pushing his younger sister off a bicycle they shared.
Growing up, many who are now adults remember that an unexpected slap across the face, whipping from a belt or cane or outright beating, were the way parents went about correcting their children when they misbehaved. How well did this work with regards to getting the right results from a child’s behaviour?
Some individuals who are now parents and who went through such experiences share their views.
Mrs. Beatrice Uzzi, a mother of three says: “My dad used a lot of beatings. But I won’t say it was effective because all bad stuff I did was out of choice as an adult and once I got freedoms. He flogged us until we were adults, even as university students. In my view it was all totally a waste of time. It only made me resent him and be headier and just prepare myself for his beating whenever I misbehaved. At some point I even stopped crying over the beatings.”
“My dad used the beating, bruising and slapping approach which was least productive,” says Mr. Inuwa Daudu. “It only brought out the worst in me growing up and made me a rebel. My system hardened with me sort of expecting to be beaten up at each point I did wrong. This was all because, I got used to it and the fact that the pain would be temporary.”
Nana Ali’s parents are now late. But the one thing she can’t ever forget about them are their slaps especially her mother’s: “You only heard it when it landed on your face but never saw her hand move in your direction. She was left-handed and that made it all the more unexpected. I can’t really say that it helped but it terrified me of her and took me a long time to be her friend.”
Mrs. Mma Ken-Akparanta notes that beatings or slaps are not effective corrective measures so he rarely beats my kids: “My daughter is four years old and everyone seems to commend me for raising her well. I rarely beat or spank her. I use words as my corrective tool.” The mother of two adds that she denies her toys, television, visiting friends and other such things she treasures.
Akparanta however, admits that: “It’s a lot of patience and frequent use of words because that’s how the little brain learns to differentiate wrong from right. I don’t use words alone; when she doesn’t adhere, then the punishment or denial of a toy or no outing follows. This one is very painful for a little child.”
Some parents use the naughty corner strategy, where the child is sent to the naughty corner or on a time out where he sits all by himself for some time. So he associates that part of the house as a place where they go to when they’ve behaved badly.
“For words, I use positive words like, ‘Tammy, remember you are a good girl and shouldn’t be naughty’. ‘I thought you said you are a big girl and shouldn’t be acting like a baby. Babies don’t listen.’ Sometimes I use a stern voice and angry face and I say, ‘look at mummy’s angry face’ or ‘or do u want a spanking?’
“She hates to hear that, this I found out when I was facing a period of Tammy being naughty, it’s called the terrible twos. It was frustrating. I would beat her like every second. She grew used to my palm. It didn’t hurt her anymore instead my palms were the ones hurting.
“I have canes from stems but only use them as a threat. Once I bring it out, they shape up. My son starts crying but I don’t beat. If I have to beat, it is well earned.
“But my first resort isn’t to flog with the cane,” she emphasised.
Mr. Henry Agbonika states that: “I think words are more effective than spanking, slapping and beating. The last three are not sustainable and productive approaches, though, necessary some times.
“You can beat a child to a point where he or she begins to regard it as the norm and then it becomes routine and of no effect.”
The father of three boys adds: “But through the use of persuasion through words, the child comes out better growing up. Words are most effective if you use them well.”
Although Umar Abu Joseph, a father of two says beating should be used moderately as a corrective tool, he emphasises that: “It is important to engage our children on the need for them to be of good behaviour and make them our friends while leading a life that is exemplary and an inspiration to them.” 
With a background in child psychology and having thought at different educational levels for almost 30 years, Mrs. Maureen Chukwumah, advises using redirection to distract the child.
According to the mother of five: “If it does not work after sometime, use positive discipline like emphasising good actions.”
Also, measures, such as time out or depriving of them of needs like toys and sweets could be applied. The grand-mother, however stresses that: “This depends on their age and level of understanding. Beating or spanking is the least effective resort because if overused, the child becomes hardened.”
Asides hardening the child, these could also severe the parent/child relationship, Chukwumah added.  “Relationship could be very much severed particularly if not well intended or directed towards positive corrections.
“Parents who beat for every misdeed get negative reactions from children who then think they are not loved and wonder if they are their biological parents.”
She concludes with a proverb: “Our people say beat with one hand and bring back the child with the other hand with love.”