What women want in their husbands
Those were the words of 33-year old Ifeanyi Obidike (real names withheld) as he lamented to his colleague at the office. The stretch lines of worry were evident on his face that morning. It was obvious that he had not had a great night at home. Every attempt by his friend to assuage his heated […]
Those were the words of 33-year old Ifeanyi Obidike (real names withheld) as he lamented to his colleague at the office. The stretch lines of worry were evident on his face that morning. It was obvious that he had not had a great night at home. Every attempt by his friend to assuage his heated mood was futile. The question he however posed to his colleague is perhaps one that many men seek answers to on a daily basis especially the married ones.
Women are by nature considered weaker vessels in relation to their male counterparts. When arguments erupt at times about marriage, many men are quick to lay the blame at the door step of women whose reactions to certain issues they say are uncertain at times. But the question which many men ask today is what does a woman really want from her husband? The Home Front tried to find out from some married ladies.
Asabe Tanko, a trader said, “Basically what I think is the most important factor in every relationship is trust. I have so much trust in my husband because I have been married to him for more than twenty years. Our marriage has been going smooth and the trust we have for each other is what has kept us going. I also love his personality. He is totally outgoing and down to earth. So trust for me is one of the major requirements a lady wants from her partner.”
And for Hassana Mohammad, a house wife based in Abuja, patience is the key. “What I love most about my husband is his patience. It is very rare to see men who are extremely patient nowadays based on what I have been seeing in some homes. There are numerous qualities my husband has that makes me love him more. He is very considerate, friendly, gentle and loving. But I want to believe that a man needs plenty of patience to live well with his wife.”
Naomi Yusuf, a married student said understanding is vital for the woman to enjoy her hubby: “Every man has his ups and downs. My husband is entirely a rare gem. I love absolutely everything about him. He is charming, patient, kind, trustworthy, ambitious and caring. However, I hate the other side of him whenever he is upset. He is hot tempered and doesn’t want anyone to come close to him each time he is angry. Well, I guess it is part of the human nature because on the brighter side, he is truly a good person.”
Dr. M. Gary Neuman, a family counsellor and author lists some attributes a man ought to have to understand women truly as spending adequate time with one’s partner, being understanding, kind gestures, creating time for fun activities and appreciating every good deed.
He said: “Nowadays, women take care of the children and make salaries, and they tend to be much underappreciated. Women should be expressive of what makes them feel appreciated, like “These are the kinds of things I like … x, y and z.” Men should listen, and women should tune in when their husbands are appreciative… It’s important for women to have men who understand them. It’s also important for women to help men understand how to listen. Men often don’t have a clue they’re being bad listeners…”
Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. another counsellor seems to agree when he posits that men have many ‘rooms’ in their hearts which stands for various aspects of his life but he must ensure that his ‘partner has access to all the rooms.
“I use a house as an illustration to help husbands understand how their wives feel. Each room in the house represents one of the husband’s roles in life. There is a room for his job as a production manager, there is another for golf, another for his new sports car, one for his garden, one for his children, one for church, and, yes, one for his wife.
“As he makes his way through an average day, he visits various rooms when he is faced with the role the room defines. And when he’s in a certain room, the others are blocked out of his mind so that he can focus his undivided attention on the role he plays at the time. He does his best when he’s not faced with distractions, and prefers to deal with each problem with all his energy and creativity so that he does the best he can in each role he plays.
“ The wives of most men are only one of many rooms in this imaginary house. It represents the “husband” role… a woman doesn’t leave the man who has invited her into every room of his house. That’s because she doesn’t stand outside the rooms of his house feeling like a stranger. She is welcomed into his entire home as his cherished life partner.”