When a husband’s love becomes an obsession

Anne narrates her experience: “I am 24 years and married to a man 20 years older than I am. He is a loving man but sometimes he could get over protective and obsessive over me.  He follows me almost everywhere. If I’m away for too long with my friends, he gets anxious. He spends time […]

Anne narrates her experience: “I am 24 years and married to a man 20 years older than I am. He is a loving man but sometimes he could get over protective and obsessive over me.  He follows me almost everywhere. If I’m away for too long with my friends, he gets anxious. He spends time with his friends without me interrupting. He wants me around him all the time. If I miss his calls, it becomes an issue. His attitude is becoming unbearable. I need help on how to deal with his obsessive nature.”
Rita Chiemezie, a 40-year-old civil servant wonders thus: “What was she thinking when she got married to a man 22 years older than her? He probably sees her as his daughter, he is playing a role of father in the marriage and there is nothing she can do about it. He has had this character for almost 42 years and he cannot just change it now overnight. She has to learn to live with his obsession.”
Zainab Muhammed, a 37-year-old businesswoman, who heard Rita’s comments also, had a question to ask: “Those married to their age mates are they any happier? With reports of infidelity and neglect that we hear of in the society every day, I don’t think so. Age has nothing to do with this, so please people should not just conclude that it is because of his age. Younger husbands can also be obsessive. Being obsessive is an ego thing and needs to be addressed in a mature way. On the other hand, I see him as being insecure because of their age difference. My husband is older than I am and I can testify that older men are better because they are mature and the most caring. So when we don’t know the other side of the story we should only advice based on reality.”
Thirty-nine-year-old seamstress, Bukola Adeleke, says she wished her husband had that kind of obsession: “Sometimes I wish my husband had such obsession over me. I like to get attention from someone that I love, but no outright regrets because there is no perfect marriage in life. Divorce is not an option for me and I would not advise anyone to do same. So, I ask her to sit and discuss intimately with her husband and let him know how hurt she feels with his obsessive behaviour.”
Hauwa Tukur, a 37-year-old banker states that: “Over-protective and insecure husbands are most times the caring ones. He will always want her to be around him and as the age difference is much, he will do anything to ensure she is not playing a fast one on him. So, she doesn’t have to blame him rather make him believe in her by being open and real to him. This will make him have confidence in her. For now she should forget about her girlfriends, she is married for good. Let him take her out more often, I am sure he will be glad to do that as far as she is with him. He loves her, so she should be his friend and show him love and he will sure let you be.”
Thirty-five-year-old entrepreneur, Terese Udofia, says: “I was in her shoes some years back. All she needs to do is to be honest with him, and he loves her such that due to her young age, he feels threatened and afraid that she may be lured by a younger guy. Chat with him and always assure him of your divine love for him and be real to him too. It’s just for now, which is normal, he will get tired and stop it once you have kids. My hubby was like that too but now that we have kids he doesn’t fear any more, which makes me to even envy those times that he was possessive about me. Enjoy his obsession while it lasts because some day you will long for these moments.”
Marriage counsellor, Maryam Abdullahi, adds that: “You have to bear with him, he feels insecure due to the age difference and he doesn’t want stories that touch the heart. Do your best to spend more time with him, show him you love him. Go out with him and show your love to him openly. Minimise your outings with your friends; at this stage of his life he needs more of you around him.
“Count yourself lucky he has his eyes only on you. He loves and cares for you, so don’t ever give him room to mistrust you. Get interested in the things he likes, when you are with him there should be excitement on your part. I believe with all these he will trust you and lessen his hold on you. Enjoy your marriage for obsession in marriage generates from the affection a spouse has for his partner.”