When a movie is guilty of being pleasure-free: A review

We soon discover that she is having relationship troubles, as does Liz (Nse Etim-Ikpe’s character). The war story-trading format proves to be a disaster, as each of the two women’s tales is convoluted. Nse is married to photographer Kelechi (played by marginally talented newcomer Rob Loner) whom she helped become successful, who we find cheats […]

We soon discover that she is having relationship troubles, as does Liz (Nse Etim-Ikpe’s character). The war story-trading format proves to be a disaster, as each of the two women’s tales is convoluted. Nse is married to photographer Kelechi (played by marginally talented newcomer Rob Loner) whom she helped become successful, who we find cheats on his wife in vignettes that display abysmal acting from the oddly-named Loner.

Liz also shares her tale. She is married to successful businessman Terso (Ramsey Nouah) in a complex love-hate relationship. While Liz is free-spirited, Terso is a nightmare of a husband, keeping tight reins on her, controlling her even down to clothing choices. But when Terso’s brother Robert (played by Majid Michel) comes home from the United States and lives with them, an unlikely affair begins between him and Liz.

The plot aside, ‘Guilty Pleasures’ opens quite disappointingly with tacky music and a poorly-designed opening montage which is in good company with the story, credited to Emem Isong. Then the screenplay, written by Uyai Ikpe-Etim, is totally devoid of pace, much less tone. But it appears that the real culprit – or culprits – would be the duo of the movie’s directors, Desmond Elliot and Daniel Ademinokan, proving that too many cooks poison the broth. They do this with poor camera movement and pointlessly lengthy party scenes. One time the camera lingered so long, it would put an M. Night Shyamalan movie to shame. Things as mundane as phone number-dialling are given more attention than those which should drive the story forward.

Still on the party scene, particularly the first one, if Nouah and co. deliver lines more dead, they would be by corpses. A sample from the star’s pal: “It ain’t over till the fat lady sings.” A cliché followed by string after string of clichés. All this is happening against the background music, the usual cheesy organ music that is the staple in mainstream Nollywood. The “Music Score” is credited to one Austin Erowole, which means the viewers’ torture actually has a known architect. But as bad as the music is, the sound, generally, could be said to be abominable at worst, inaudible at best.

As if Nollywood’s light-skinned leading guy shtick is not enough with Nouah’s melanin-challenged presence, Michel showing up as his brother immediately poisons the movie with below-par delivery. On that note, it’s worthy to recall a scene where Nouah tells Ikpe-Etim ‘I beg of you’. Seriously. I mean, who actually talks like that? I half-expected old, late Hollywood actor Yul Bryner to make a cameo, drama and all.

Speaking of pointlessness, you wouldn’t do better than a scene where Liz, Terso, Bobby and a random dinner date discuss, of all things, U.S politics in a most non-intellectual way. Ikpe-Etim’s character in that scene seems like she’s having a migraine, mirroring this reviewer’s feelings perfectly.

But ‘Guilty Pleasures’ isn’t a total train wreck, for a few reasons, the main ones being two of its stars, Nouah and Etim-Ikpe, whose performances shine while showing palpable on-screen chemistry even during argument/fight scenes. Their marital issues provide the best performances in the otherwise confused production. Etim-Ikpe, in particular, is a natural, whose talent is obvious even when challenged by a poor script and muddy lighting. Her depth invokes, I daresay, Hollywood great Meryl Streep. A good example remains a shopping scene unfathomably set to a quirky 2Face Idibia song, where Ikpe-Etim’s character seems tortured by the whole thing, the whole scene. Nouah is also a solid performer, delivering flawlessly.

‘Guilty Pleasures’ can be said to be guilty of being largely pleasure-free. But it is worth watching, if only to see Nollywood struggling hard to get it right and getting it woefully wrong.