When a woman is a mother, sage and therapist

The future of every child depends largely on the mother. From the mother the baby in the womb gets nourishment and after birth, the child survives on the mother’s breast.  Some cultures perceive God in feminine categories because of the role of the mother in parenting. In the context of human freedom, she decides whether […]

The future of every child depends largely on the mother. From the mother the baby in the womb gets nourishment and after birth, the child survives on the mother’s breast.  Some cultures perceive God in feminine categories because of the role of the mother in parenting. In the context of human freedom, she decides whether the child is wanted or not. Mothers then play important, heroic and tremendous roles in the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual growth of the child. I was very close to my mother. Her motherhood testifies that a mother contributes tremendously to the character formation of the child. Like every responsible mother, Veronica Aleabu my mother was very passionate and concerned about the future of her children and grandchildren. This concern made it very difficult for her to allow me to respond to the vocation to the Catholic priesthood. She wanted to nurse and care for my children. Being a woman of faith which every mother ought to be, she eventually concords in these words: “My son, I did not know how you entered my womb after waiting for nine years after the birth of my only daughter, Margaret. Since it is God who called you, I have no right to argue with him. I pray God to forgive me for ever saying no. I give you my blessings. May you be a good priest and may the whole world benefit from your priestly mission.” Every good mother accepts God’s will like Mary the Mother of Jesus. When my mother lost her sight in 1995, she said: “Oh God, I thank you for my vision so far. If it is only the ordination of my son I ever saw in my life, I have seen everything.”

My mother endeared me to those who did not love her and wanted me dead. After my ordination, she told me: “My son, I wanted you to grow with a clear mind devoid of hatred. Now keep your heart pure and create no space in your mind to serve as a prison for your enemies to inhabit. Human battle ends up in futility so give God the chance to fight for you. Make every human being your friend irrespective of tribe, religion and status.” My enemies should not be your enemies because I have forgiven them.  This is close to what Nelson Mandela would say, “One of the mistakes which some political analysts make is to think that their enemies should be our enemies” (https://www.vibe.com/2017/07/nelson-mandela-day-enemies-quote). Here are a few puzzles from this experience: What if the Muslim mothers had told their children to love their Christian neighbours or if the Christian mothers had told their children to love their Muslim neighbours? What if every mother made efforts to debrief her children of ugly incidents? What if every mother heals her children of ugly memories?  What if the mother had cautioned and disciplined her children the moment the children starts to exhibit the traits of violence and intolerance? I think the world would have been a better place with maximum security.

When I was in Primary School, I took out of the fish that my mother wanted to use to cook because I was really hungry. My mother had always given me what I needed but, in this case, she punished me. As if that was not enough, she went to report me to the Head Master of my school who flogged me and told the children to shame me publicly. With that experience, I was afraid to touch whatever I was not given. As far as my mother was concerned, taking what does not belong to you without permission is akin to learning how to steal. Today, parents fight and make serious cases against teachers who discipline their children. Today, the discipline of children through corporal punishment has become child abuse. Is the society not reaping the fruits of children that have been spoilt by their mothers in modern society?  A good mother who is a sage and therapist would feed the mind of her child with whatever is noble, good and valuable to the child, the family and the society. A careless mother feeds the mind of the child with things that do not add value to life. They think that love and care must be devoid of corporal discipline. The mother who feeds the mind of the child with positive thoughts invests for the healing of a whole generation. The contents of this investment include love, care, affection, counsel and positive disposition that would mould the child into a patriotic citizen. When Monsignor Paul Emonyon (of blessed memory) asked my mother what name she would love to be called at baptism, she replied: “the woman who wiped the face of Jesus. No wonder! So many children enjoyed eating from her kitchen.

The act of Saint Veronica wiping the face of Jesus with her veil is celebrated in the sixth Station of the Cross in many  Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, Methodist and Western Orthodox Churches (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veil_of_Veronica). The way of greatness on earth and the way to salvation is the way of the Cross and no mother should shy away from this. A good mother represents the way to salvation just as the Blessed Virgin Mary followed her Son to Calvary.  Ann Taylor (1783 –1866) painted the image of a good mother in her poem: “My Mother”.  “Who sat and watched my infant head, when sleeping in my cradle bed, and tears of sweet affection shed?”  My mother was given the name Aleabu by her Muslim father Ekhaisomi. She lived up to this name by wiping away the tears of children. She gave them food to eat and eased their pains. The meaning of her father’s name is “there is value in dedicated labour and commitment to work (Ekhaisomi). Her mother was called Esiema (God is the creator). As a traditional herbalist, Esiema took care of the sick freely with herbs. A good mother appreciates the value of work to provide for those in need just as Veronica learnt from her mother.

A good mother is the first teacher of her children. One Sunday, I preached what I thought was a very beautiful and inspiring homily. My mother was at mass. This was at Holy Rosary Catholic Church, Uzairue. She observed my mistakes and did not hesitate to correct me: “Father, you made a mistake in the story you told the congregation today. Let me tell you the story again.” She told me many other stories that were video recorded into three Cassettes. Today, I can always listen to the stories my mother told me when I was growing up. When these recordings were being done, I never knew that my mother would die three months after. Wise mothers have some premonitions when their life on earth is coming to an end. On Tuesday, 12th December 2006, she prayed with her children and told them how she would love to be buried. She commanded us never to hold grudges against anybody and that we must love one another. On Wednesday, 13th December 2006 she said the Rosary with us and she was anointed. On Thursday the 14th of December 2006 she requested Fr. Philip Ebakhaye to bless holy water for her.  On Friday, 15th December 2006 she said her rosary, received Holy Communion and departed the earthly city. In his homily during her funeral, Fr. Prof. John Onimhawo called Veronica a sage and the Socrates of Etsako land.

Every mother should spend quality time with her children. Every mother must know that there is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. Every mother should monitor the information that the children are exposed to. My mother was a woman who took prayers very seriously. She became a very committed Catholic notwithstanding her background which was multi-religious. She appreciated the values of the religion of her parents but discerned which religious path she preferred to follow to meet God in heaven. I pray that every woman who has the vocation to marriage may be a mother, sage and therapists. May every mother enjoy the support of her husband to raise good children for the world.

Rev. Fr. Cornelius Omonokhua is the Executive Secretary of Nigeria Inter-Religious Council (NIREC) ([email protected])