When being an introvert isn’t bad

How do you handle a situation where an elder sibling is being over shadowed by the younger one? Angela Martins, a mother of three, shares her experience: “My two daughters are 13 and 15 years old respectively. I have noticed that people are more drawn to the younger one than to the older. It has […]

How do you handle a situation where an elder sibling is being over shadowed by the younger one?

Angela Martins, a mother of three, shares her experience: “My two daughters are 13 and 15 years old respectively. I have noticed that people are more drawn to the younger one than to the older. It has become so noticeable that my older daughter is beginning to have some self-esteem issues. Whenever we go visiting, children, and even adults, feel more at ease with my younger daughter than her sister. I am afraid this might not augur well with my older daughter. How should I deal with this?”
Hadiza Usman, a 38-year-old pharmacist, notes that first daughters are believed to be more reserved than any other sibling. “I’ve noticed that first daughters are more calm, reserved and sometimes quiet and always looking younger or smaller than second daughters physically. Second daughters are more outgoing, bigger in size and sometimes stubborn. I am the first daughter and my younger sister is more outgoing than I am. It may hurt initially but as time goes she would realise that it is her personality,” she said.
Salma Bashir, a 40-year-old nurse, says people may be more drawn to your younger sibling because she’s more outgoing. “My first daughter is very calm while my younger daughter is an extrovert. She makes friends easily. I will suggest you encourage your daughter to make friends. Even though I teach my daughters that they are better as each other’s friends than outsiders. Always let her know that she’s beautiful and that people who avoid her are probably intimidated by her,” Salma noted.
Forty-three-old father of three, who is also an accountant, Sunny Ogbu, drawing on his experience, agrees that elder sisters are more reserved and calm. “I have three sisters and the eldest is just too calm. As a father now, I can see that scenario playing out in my oldest daughter though she is just 10,” he remarked.
Many will be quick to conclude that it has to do with appearance but Ogbu says: “It has absolutely nothing to do with physical appearance. If she is reserved and doesn’t mingle well, then kids won’t come close because she doesn’t make them comfortable. Mothers have a huge role to play in this regard. Make her understand she is wonderfully created but has a different social attitude from her sister, which does not make her less beautiful.”
Marriage counselor Hajiya Maryam Abdullahi says: “I am guessing the elder sibling is an introvert. Possibly the other daughter is an extrovert and has charisma. The fact is we are wired differently by our creator and no one is better than the other. There is no good and bad to being an introvert or an extrovert.”
She adds that: “The energy of extroverts is outside and that of introverts is internal. We tend to have great minds through our thought processes. Encourage her to use her internal energy creatively; by being creative she can attract people towards her. My advice is not to expect your first daughter to be like the second, celebrate their differences; none is better than the other.”