When counter-discipline goes wrong

“Whenever I try to discipline my five-year-old daughter by asking her to kneel down, her dad counters it by instructing her not to. He has done this on several occasions and it’s not funny anymore. Presently, my hubby quarrels with me whenever I try to correct her. How do I handle this because it’s getting […]

“Whenever I try to discipline my five-year-old daughter by asking her to kneel down, her dad counters it by instructing her not to. He has done this on several occasions and it’s not funny anymore. Presently, my hubby quarrels with me whenever I try to correct her. How do I handle this because it’s getting out of hand?” Following are response from a cross section of people to the poser.
Aisha Haliru, a 37-year-old accountant, notes that: “Hubby or not, it’s best to discipline these kids when they exhibit behaviours that shouldn’t be, because when they grow with them, people will point accusing fingers at you, the mother. They will always tell the child that ‘your mother didn’t give you good home training’.”
She added that: “Maybe you should ask him how he thinks you should discipline your daughter because you only want the best for her. You should let him know you are in this together and her upbringing is a joint effort by both of you.”
Joyce Alimi, a 39-year-old consultant asks: “Is it not too early to introduce such punishment to a five-year-old who may even perceive kneeling down as fun?  On the other side, appeal to your hubby to desist from countering your instructions as it may have a counter effect for you and even him in the long run.”
Ramatu Bala, a 40-year-old school principal, asks if the disciple the worried mother talk about is done love. “Maybe, you do it harshly and that’s why your hubby is against it. It is best you both sit down and discuss the best disciplinary actions to take when it comes to punishing a child,” Ramatu says.
“Countering your decision isn’t the best for the child before she gets too used to daddy’s protection, which could eventually become an embarrassment to both of you. But the bottom line is to punish with love as that is the only way you can get the child to change his/her ways,” she surmises.
“Talk to your husband to desist from giving counter instructions, especially before the kids because it belittles you before them. Meanwhile, isn’t it too early to subject your five-year-old to such punishment? I hope she doesn’t toughen up by the time she gets older,” Ramatu advises.
“Fathers and daughters are best friends. They don’t feel good when their daughters are being punished; they feel obliged to come to her rescue and yes, even to the extent of triggering a quarrel. As daughters, we all know our fathers’ are more protective of us than the boys,” says Rashida Bankole, 40-year-old entrepreneur.
“What you should bear in mind is never to punish your daughter in your hubby’s presence because you will definitely feel offended as he will always side with your daughter. The best thing is to talk it over with him, if his counter instructions are getting out of control,” she advises.