When Lucky Dude stands by his words
Though his courtiers were quick to embark on a damage-control mission, desperately saying that things were not as gloomy as their boss had claimed and that plans were in top gear to make things work, Lucky Dude was not to be outdone. So the latest from him is that the nation’s next two birthdays are […]
Though his courtiers were quick to embark on a damage-control mission, desperately saying that things were not as gloomy as their boss had claimed and that plans were in top gear to make things work, Lucky Dude was not to be outdone. So the latest from him is that the nation’s next two birthdays are also cancelled in accordance with the mood of the times. At this announcement I couldn’t help recalling with nostalgia our kingdom’s 25th anniversary. We had a lovely song that reflected our happiness. Alas, at 51 we can only attempt a parody of it. Here goes:
Naija is fifty-one
The odds we can’t survive
Don’t salute the nation
Don’t start a celebration
Though united we have to fall
The sun still shines
And the rain still falls
On our lands flooded and dirty
Formerly blessed by the Almighty
Unlike bees in a hive
We can’t work hard
To make our honey flow
Even with the use of the hoe
(Repeat chorus)
Don’t salute the nation
Don’t start a celebration
Though united we have to fall
The sun still shines and the rain still falls
(A thousand apologies to Chief Bongos Ikwue)
Don’t blame me if the birthday song sounds too gloomy. It’s in tune with the times. But how did things get to this stage? In His Highness, Lucky Dude’s lamentations, the problems are evident in the way the economy of our land has been running on a deficit budget because the institutions set up to protect public resources and prevent leakages have collapsed. He noted that doctors now end up killing their patients rather than saving their lives because the institutions to monitor their activities have also collapsed.
Lucky Dude also bemoaned how the kingdom lacks accurate census figures and other relevant statistics all because things are in shambles. Even his courtiers are proof of the rot because if things were working right they shouldn’t be trooping to his chambers at the slightest excuse seeking to see him. He thought the kingdom can survive without him if he were to fall ill for six months, yet what he sees is a people who can’t seem to do anything without him. The Royal Dude went on and on, lamenting about everything from the way people go to work late to the way he is criticised by his subjects.
Hear him: ‘Some people still want the leader of this land to be a lion or a tiger, somebody that has that kind of strength and force and agility to make things happen the way they think. Some others still want the leader to act like an army general, like my chief of staff commanding his troops. Incidentally, I am not a lion; I am also not a general. Somebody will want the leader to operate like kings of Syria, Babylon, Egypt, the pharaoh, all-powerful people that you read about in the Bible. They want the leader to operate that way, the characters of the Goliath. Unfortunately I am not one of those. I don’t need to be a lion, I don’t need to be a Nebuchadnezzer. I don’t need to operate like the Pharaoh of Egypt. I don’t need to be an army general but I can change his country without those traits.’ Yet he failed to say how he can do it.
But the question on most of our lips is: Do we need a lamenting leader? Is that what we expect at the time of national crisis ie someone who can cancel celebrations and announce what his problems with the followership are but proffer no solutions to them off the cuff? Yes a little effort was made to say there was light at the end of the tunnel during his kingdom’s birthday address, but it cannot eclipse the fact that he had done the unthinkable by admitting that the problems were too numerous and daunting. In an obvious attempt to lighten the doomsday scenario painted by his earlier lamentations, the Lucky Dude tried to rise to the occasion by saying that all of our kingdom’s problems can be overcome.
During his traditional televised address he had raised our hopes by saying that the Kingdom had survived similar nightmarish challenges in the past, so this one too shall pass. Yet he had gone ahead to host a mini in-house celebration, never before seen in the history of Naija. The first excuse was that the security situation necessitated a ‘small do’ within the four walls of the Rocky Villa. But his Kakaaki, a PhD no less, had gone ahead to say there was nothing low-key or unusual about the highly-secured in-house no-show. As if we can’t see ourselves that it was an aberration compared to what we had come to expect. This former pen-pusher had the audacity to say they were not sent indoors to do their cake-cutting due to the fear of bombs and snipers, but because it was the event committee’s decision. Did he think we were born yesterday?
Anyway while we were getting set to buy all that; that is Lucky Dude’s assurance that our challenges can be overcome, and his Kakaaki’s lame excuse about why they did our birthday behind lock and key at a Rocky villa, the man dropped his second bombshell. No more national birthdays for the next two years. So what does that prove? That Lucky Dude will stick to his earlier position that things are in shambles and not likely to improve anytime soon.
This means as we remain in the shadow of violence and related insecurity, despite endless security checks and regular terror scare, we still can’t seek solace in our leadership, because it offers no such guarantee. Right now the Dude has jetted out of the kingdom, the security measures are tighter than ever and reports have it that tried and tested Israeli guards are now in charge of his safety. Yet he gives us no reason to feel safe. God bless Naija!