When one step-mum gives all others a bad name

Last week, one of the stories that made the headline was that of a father who chained his nine-year-old son for weeks for allegedly stealing meat from his wife’s soup pot. Speaking to some media houses after he was rescued, the boy said he stole because he had not been fed for a long time […]

Last week, one of the stories that made the headline was that of a father who chained his nine-year-old son for weeks for allegedly stealing meat from his wife’s soup pot. Speaking to some media houses after he was rescued, the boy said he stole because he had not been fed for a long time and was hungry. Investigations further showed that the mother of the boy wasn’t married to his father anymore, and so the boy was in the care of his step mother who saw no good in him but rather termed him a stubborn boy. 
There was another story of how a step mum maltreats her husband’s children, even though she showed love and care before the marriage. Now, the husband is in a fix and asks what his next step should be and if it would be right to put his children’s interest over his wife’s.
Maimuna Umar, 40-year-old businesswoman, says, “It is obvious both women married out of desperation or the fear of becoming old without a husband. Remember that no mother will want to see her child go through such; it is better to be single and keep a girlfriend than marry a woman who will be an evil step mother. Every man or even parents should be wise and see their children as top priority before anything or anyone. That is the least we owe them for now.”
Chidinma Okechukwu, 38-year-old fashion designer, says: “I truly understand the pain the second man is feeling. But there are some issues men should consider when they find themselves in such a situation. First, you have to love her as your wife above every other person including the kids. Never give her that glimpse that you married her just to love your kids, it will only put your kids in a terrible situation because she is a woman who should be loved and cherished and not treated as a nanny. Don’t ever reprimand her in the presence of the kids even if she does something wrong to them, call her aside after that moment.”
He added that one should never fail to look into any report she brings concerning their behaviour. “Appreciate any effort she puts in no matter how small, it will make her to do more. Don’t give the children more attention than you give her, it will create an unhealthy rivalry between them which will automatically breed hatred. Remember she is your wife and not a nanny! Organize activities that will bring the family together and give her the main responsibility of planning it. Consciously try not to pop issues about the children when both of you are trying to have a good time, such intrusive talks could burst her bubble. Make the children call her mummy and give her opportunities to make her suggestions on issues concerning the welfare of the kids. It’s not easy to even raise one’s own kids let alone automatically becoming a mum to new kids all at once.”
Fatima Bello, 39-year-old accountant, says “Some people who advise that an elderly woman is better as a replacement should know that age does not bring motherliness, it is inherent. I was 27 when my hubby married me, and I also became a mum to his two-year-old son then. A lot of people wanted him to marry an older woman even though he was in his early 30s, and today he is happy because his son has a real mum. I bonded with him before having a kid. Yes, I’m his wife and not a nanny. Even if my hubby misbehaves and upsets me, it has nothing to do with the boy because we are so in love.”
In case you are thinking of maltreating that innocent child please have a rethink, there is a lot to gain should you take them as God’s perfect gift to you. As mothers, we all know that children are top priority for every parent.