When relatives cross their boundaries

In-laws are seen to be part of the family and as such communication with them is believed to be as open as possible. But when does communication become too open, especially when it involves a sister’s husband?  “My sister is always asking my husband for financial help, though my husband always tells me not to […]

In-laws are seen to be part of the family and as such communication with them is believed to be as open as possible. But when does communication become too open, especially when it involves a sister’s husband? 

“My sister is always asking my husband for financial help, though my husband always tells me not to ask her, so I don’t embarrass her. The latest is my sister asking my husband to loan her some money to invest in a business, with an agreement to pay back whenever she gets it. Now my question is, isn’t she crossing her boundaries by asking my husband for financial assistance all the time and without my knowledge?”

Rita George, 38-year-old consultant, says, “I will advise you tell your sister to stay off your husband as regards any financial assistance. It is sisters like her that bring insult on the family. An incidence may happen tomorrow and your husband will use your sister’s habit to insult you and your family. She has to know her boundaries with your husband. He isn’t her lottery ticket. She needs to get some respect and dignity for herself. If she doesn’t stop, tomorrow he might come again saying they mistakenly had sex. A word they say is enough for the wise.”

Mojisola Oladapo, 40-year-old lawyer, says there is no smoke without fire. “You have nothing to address here my dear. Your husband and your sister are making a fool of you. Speaking from experience, a woman can only have the boldness of walking up to a man, irrespective of his pedigree, and demand for whatever she want when sex is involved. I will advice you call your sister and warn her to stay away from your husband. If she needs any kind of help, let her pass through you and not go directly to him.  You need to open your eyes before any other thing happens. Not all sisters want the happiness of their sister.”

Binta Muhammed, 39-year-old architect, says “I will advice you address this issue as fast as possible. Sometime in the past, my husband did the same thing by always telling me that my cousin asked for this and that, and then telling me not to confront her as he just wanted me to know, not knowing he was sleeping with her. 

“As far as I’m concerned, those two might be having something more intimate than you know. What gives her the right to be making such requests behind your back? If she needs help, she should ask you to ask your husband instead of going directly to him. If he truly has nothing to do with her, he should be man enough to tell her he can’t assist her financially anymore. 

“For God’s sake there should be boundaries when relating with in-laws of the opposite sex. This is one thing many people fail to understand, boundaries should be the first thing couples should set between in-laws. I have seen this sort of thing happen to a wife and her brother-in-law and it didn’t turn out well.”