When sharing chores takes toll on couples

There are many chores at the home but most times they are left to the woman to carry out. In some homes there is work sharing as spouses shared chores like picking the children from school, cooking, laundry among others, in some others those chores are the sole responsibility of one partner, the women. Some […]

There are many chores at the home but most times they are left to the woman to carry out. In some homes there is work sharing as spouses shared chores like picking the children from school, cooking, laundry among others, in some others those chores are the sole responsibility of one partner, the women.

Some marriages have collapsed due to the inability of the couples to balance these roles, considering pressure at the office, family and other circumstances.

Ibrahim Mohammed said though there is nothing he cannot do at home, he was always careful so that he is not seen as taking advantage of the situation.

“I should be able to do everything that my wife does at home though not at the same level with her considering that she would be better in some things, but even at that, I still help out,” he said.

He adds, though that such help come occasionally. “Maybe she is sick, busy with other things or pregnant,” he said. “Unless the man is inconsiderate he will help in such situations,” he said adding that his wife is capable of taking care for their two children and other house chores when without any healthy challenge.

“Last month I helped bathe for the children because she was late for the office. They are my children as much they are hers,” he said, adding that he does not always get to do house chores because he leaves the house very early for the city to ‘hustle.’

Similarly, Mohammed Ibrahim sees no issues in men helping out with the chores but warns that they should be ready to help on a regular basis without grumbling. “They should not start what they can’t finish,” he said.

“One of my brothers washes the clothes of his wife and children on weekends, but once he skipped doing the laundry and the wife called him in the midst of his friends asking him why he didn’t do it,” he said.

Ibrahim recalled that his brother was embarrassed with the incidence, adding that it was a lesson he learnt even before getting married.

“If a man is caring for the children or washing dishes or their clothes, some women usually leave it entirely to him and the day he stopped, they try to blame it on influence of friends or berate you saying that you’ve changed,” he said.

Ibrahim said despite these issues, spouses should assist themselves, “this breeds love and unity in the family.”

Mrs Pamela Julius, however said men should always endeavour to take care of some chores at the home as women are not superhuman as most people think. “They expect you to cook, care for the children, clean the house, do laundry and dishes,” she said adding that a helping hand helps in easing the burden.

She said her husband helps in preparing the children for school and cleaning the house and laundry (using the washing machine) while she cooks and does other chores.

Also, Mrs Safiya Muhammad said husbands should be able to help because women won’t be able to do everything alone at the home. “There should be some things that he should help me to do; like picking the kids from school sometimes.

She however said some men have made it a habit that the wife should be the one to do all the chores while they (husbands) only provide the money to keep the home. “Woman are not slaves,” she added.

Mr Aliyu Muhammad said how often he helps his wife depends on his mood and work. “I help my wife to cook sometimes, if I am less busy and in happy mood because I’m a good cook, but she shouldn’t be waiting for me and telling me to take turns to do the cooking. It’s her work but I can help her out of love,” he said

Maryam Majee said there should be chores sharing if the affection and love is good as that leads to a happy home.

“If the man is helping his wife there is nothing wrong with that. For instance picking the children from school is no one person’s responsibility. If they are both working and don’t have time to pick children from school, they should employ a driver,” she said.