When socialising overtakes the home-front

And she keeps buying those Asoebis (uniforms). It worries me. She argues that such parties are the only time she has to relax with her friends. I feel her mother is encouraging her. How do I make them stop?”Hope Adekunle suggests that the dad takes the children to their grandmother for a weekend so that […]

And she keeps buying those Asoebis (uniforms). It worries me. She argues that such parties are the only time she has to relax with her friends. I feel her mother is encouraging her. How do I make them stop?”
Hope Adekunle suggests that the dad takes the children to their grandmother for a weekend so that he can create time for his wife: “It’s just a way of calming her nerves so you can talk one on one with her. First,find out if there is anything you do that annoys her or she doesn’t like? The answers you get here could help map out activities she has for the family.”
In every discussion or argument there are always two different sides. Rahma Sallu argues that: “Who said the kids are for the women alone? Men should also take responsibility too, even women like having some happy moments with their friends. We aren’t islands. We have our families and friends too and above all, we have a social spirit.I suggest he puts his home in order and stop complaining. Maybe her home is not comfortable and that is why she is finding comfort in going to parties and hanging out with family and friends.”
Blessing Charles agrees with Sallu: “It’s not a big deal if you ask me, the guys think it is only them that can enjoy the good things of life and socialise. Hasn’t he heard that ‘all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.’Provided she is not going anywhere else from there and she doesn’t get drunk or visit a night club, I see no crime in it, but just try and tell her to curtail it.Let your wife have fun as long as she is not visiting the wrong places. She needs to cool off some time.”
Adaobi-joy Ani sees the situation as a tough one since the mum encourages her: “It’s a tough decision and he should have known it will result to this when he agreed to marry her. If he wants this to stop he has to take drastic measures by reporting her to an elder maybe her father or an elderly man in their family. Also, if he is the one paying for the clothes she uses for the parties, then he needs to stop because otherwise, it only means he is encouraging her. Desperate situations call for drastic measures, it is said.”
Just as some people find fault in the woman’s behaviour so are some attributing such behaviour to ethnicity. Tonia Akin says: “If she is Yoruba you cannot take partying away from our blood. But seriously,he needs to have a heart-to-heart talk with her, privately and it should not involve raising voices. If she refuses to listen then I advise stop giving her the money for it. You can’t make her stop but encourage her to reduce the way she gives priority to her social life and you might just need to also talk to her mum.”
Edith Chijoke suggests that:“If he is sure that he isn’t responsible for her behaviour, then he needs to stand up as a man and declare how he wants things to be in his home, starting from his mother-in-law by giving her limitations and then his wife for the sake of their children.”
Osaretin Daniel notes that: “There is a whole lot of crime here. A responsible married woman can never attend any party without her husband. He needs to tell her to stop because he is the man and the head of the family.”
Marriage counsellor, Mrs Chika Ikechukwu, advises that: “Was she that way before marriage? If so, a sudden call for change by force may not do. He needs a heart-to-heart talk with her and see reason for her change. If this attitude started after marriage, you would also need to find the root cause through dialogue to correct it. Understand also that you cannot cut her ties with her mother, but rather manage it.
“Secondly, there is need to schedule family outings and let her know that family time is also important and should not be compromised for the kind of parties she attends frequently. She should learn to prioritise her agenda for the benefit of the family. Let her realise her responsibilities as a wife and mother are not just about partying all the weekend. She can attend functions but there should be a limit to it.”
Just as everyone is entitled to a social life and hanging out with friends, there is need for the frequent partying to be put in check, if not for anything else, for the stability of the home and the good of the children.