When submission isn’t happiness

At an event over the weekend, some persons sat in a group where a man complained about how his wife isn’t being submissive to him. He believes it’s as a result of the feminist-minded friends she keeps. Another then explained how his wife is submissive but isn’t happy with him almost all the time. So, […]

At an event over the weekend, some persons sat in a group where a man complained about how his wife isn’t being submissive to him. He believes it’s as a result of the feminist-minded friends she keeps. Another then explained how his wife is submissive but isn’t happy with him almost all the time.

So, I asked a friend how that is possible and after a while, we concluded it’s possible that submission doesn’t always translate to happiness in marriage. Womanhood discusses the issues.

Eunice James, 42-year-old nurse, says, “It’s surprising how people assume that every submissive wife is a happy wife or that a happy wife is a submissive wife. We all have heard stories of how submissive wives have always been pushed to the wall and had to become defensive at one point in their marriages. Many women are submissive to wicked and disturbed husbands. So many women who played the submissive wife as most of our cultures have tried to emphasize ended up dying, becoming depressed, committing/even attempting suicide, becoming hypertensive or killing the man. So, tell me how submission translates to happiness?”

Hussaina Dauda, 39-year-old pharmacist, asks, “What is submission without the love, understanding and support of a caring husband. Trust me, not all women who are submissive are happy in their marriages. The honest truth is that not all men value submission as a virtue in marriage; they only view submission from the angle of a bully and demand submission as a way of always being in control of the home.”

Farida Labaran, 40-year-old educationist, also asks, “What is submission in an environment full of hatred, violence, aggressiveness and lack of respect? Submission comes naturally with the right and conducive environment but these days, that is hardly the case as many men have forced their wives into becoming who they were not raised to be. As for me, I don’t believe in submission, I believe in love and respect and that’s the ultimate. By the way, why is it only the women who are expected to be submissive always? Submission isn’t love or respect, neither is it happiness.”

Chinonye George, 40-year-old optician, says, “As a woman, what will make you happy in your marriage is not merely submission. If your marriage lacks respect and love, and then the right characters aren’t imbibed by both partners, submission will make not any difference. The right thing is to sincerely submit to a loving and caring partner willingly, not because you are forced to submit as a way of avoiding his wrath. If you are compelled to be submissive, then it’s oppression and not submission.”

A woman’s willingness to submit to her husband comes more from how a man treats her; no woman would naturally submit to a man who doesn’t love, appreciate, and care for her. Most women will lay down their lives for any man who treats them well with respect.

Woman have rights too, submission comes naturally if she is loved. I always hope and pray for the day that society will stop equating submission with happiness. Submission in marriage, which is done under duress isn’t submission but torture. Submission should be real, mutual and done in love by both partners and shouldn’t be a one-sided thing.