When tempers flare

Have you ever felt so angry that you were out of control? No matter the cause of your anger, there are many ways to describe that intense feeling which has your blood boiling. We are all guilty of these traits one way or the other. Whether you brush it off or lash it out in […]

Have you ever felt so angry that you were out of control? No matter the cause of your anger, there are many ways to describe that intense feeling which has your blood boiling. We are all guilty of these traits one way or the other. Whether you brush it off or lash it out in frustration. How you deal with anger affects not only yourself, but all and everyone around you.

As hard as we may try to stay calm, situations and people always push us to the edge. While feeling anger isn’t a bad thing, it is important to constructively express that anger. It may seem surprising, but being overly passive and keeping your anger pent up can be just as unhealthy as having a violent outburst.

A recent study found a link between anger and heart disease, yet another reason to tame your temper. Anger is a completely normal emotion. It is normal to feel angry when you have been let down, betrayed or treated unfairly. But taking it to the extreme can be devastating.

A certain amount of anger is necessary to your survival as it allows you to fight and defend yourself when you are attacked. But when anger gets out of control or turns destructive, it can lead to various problems such as domestic violence, spousal abuse, aggressive behaviors, and disruption at the workplace and family fights.

It is impossible not to get angry about something. But it is how you act when you are angry that can makes a situation better or worse. “You cannot physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys you. You cannot get rid of or avoid things, people or situations that enrage you. Besides, you cannot change them, but you can learn to control your reactions” says Temitope Adegoke, a human resource personnel.

“Because anger is so powerful, managing it sometimes could be very challenging. It takes plenty of self awareness and self control to manage these spontaneous angry feeling. And when one eventually decides to take a decision to tame the anger tantrums, the skills are not just developed in one day, it takes time to develop” says Prof.  Ahmed B. Umar, a lecturer with the University of Abuja.

Deciding to get control of your anger rather than letting it control you means taking a hard look at the ways you have been reacting when you get mad. Do you tend to scream, say hurtful, mean and disrespectful things when you are frustrated or annoyed? Do you throw things, kick and slam doors, hurt yourself or push others around when you find yourself in that kind of situation?

If your answer to most of these is yes, then there is every need for you to sit and think over the dangers of keeping up with such anger tantrums. For most people they feel ashamed by their behavior after the heat of the anger fits must have cooled down. Anger can be very destructive and does not always portray the real us.

You can also calm yourself down by just thinking about the benefits of controlling your anger and the consequences of losing control. People who manage their anger well have better relationships, better health, and more success than those who manage their anger poorly. Uncontrolled anger can negatively affect the overall quality of your life and can result in a loss of respect which would make you unhappy. Witnessing extreme conflict in the home can have devastating effects on children, both mentally and physically. It equally applies in the work place too.

Learn to express your feelings appropriately when you feel frustrated. If you can’t find the right words to describe your feelings, find a trusted friend who can speak on your behalf. It is important for the people close to you to know what you are going through.

Anger is a strong emotion. It can feel overwhelming at times. Learning how to deal with strong emotions without losing control is part of becoming mature. It takes a lot effort, lots of patience and little practice. And you will surely get there – a place for inner peace and tranquility.