When the woman becomes bread winner

In a typical African setting the man is viewed as the head of the family – he is naturally the bread winner, protector and the voice of the home – but the tables are quickly turning with some women taking over this role of the menfolk, as they now provide for the home. Though some […]

In a typical African setting the man is viewed as the head of the family – he is naturally the bread winner, protector and the voice of the home – but the tables are quickly turning with some women taking over this role of the menfolk, as they now provide for the home.
Though some believe that the present day realities are responsible for the twist, others believe that women’s support in the expenses of the home is not abnormal especially if she is better off financially, or gainfully employed. 
Hannatu Imam (not real name), who now fends for her family from her salary while her husband still looks for a job after three years of marriage said, “I was brought up to believe that the man is supposed to provide everything at the home but my circumstances have taught me differently.
“My husband lost his job not long after we got married, luckily I am working. I cannot sit back and watch my family starve, I know he is trying, I see the frustration in his eyes when he is unable to provide for us, but he has made up for that with helping with house chores and loving me more.”
Vivian Emeka Eze, who is a civil servant with one of the government agencies, narrates her ordeal of being the bread winner. “When I met my husband he had no job, but told me he was frantically looking for one, and I believed him, but things have not changed.
“I saw the signs, he is lazy but has big dreams and a sweet tongue, unfortunately he knows all my weak points and I love him so I tolerate him. But it’s really hard paying all the bills, both mine, his and the children’s.
“My parents and his funded our wedding, and paid our house rent, but one cannot keep running to his relatives for assistance, they will only ask you what of your husband, and I don’t want to belittle him anymore,” she said.
Michael Onu is a trader at the Utako Market in Abuja. He said his wife works with the government but he will never let her be the breadwinner in the family, adding that it is only when he has reached his wits end that he would allow her contribute to the upkeep of the children.
“Ehen! My wife cannot be boss o, it’s like selling your birthright. Imagine, how will she respect you if she clothes you, feeds and does everything for you! Peace will run from your home o.
“Women cannot have such power. So I do my best to provide for my home and if she wants extra luxuries then she can do that for herself, but I make sure I fulfill all my responsibilities as a man.
“But if I am in need of assistance, I sometimes turn to her, like borrowing money and I pay back once my business picks up. She is actually my best friend. I would rather collect assistance from her than an outsider,” he said.
Father  Cyril Osuji, a Catholic priest at the Cathedral of the 12 Apostles, in a homily said indeed times are changing and families unfortunately have to change with the times.
According to him, in some families women tend to earn more than the men and that it is only love and understanding that can keep them together.
Giving a homily on family values, the priest said in such situations, if the man is not mature, he tends to become bitter and try to frustrate the woman, because she earns more than him.
“The man begins to see faults in whatever she does; it is the men’s way of bringing the wives down and trying to maintain their position in the house alongside their ego. They cannot bear to acknowledge that they have failed in their duties,”he said.
Patience Ekeoba, the research and evidence leader of Voices for Change (V4C, a UK aid funded programme working to strengthen gender equality in Nigeria) noted that there is nothing wrong if a woman is the bread winner or contributes in the upkeep of the home.
“Stereotype is what is killing us. There is so much pressure on the man; society has conceived what it thinks is the ideal way a man should behave and a man should always be the provider and all that. All of these take a toll on the man.
“These unnecessary perceptions that we hold as a society-that men and women should be different and play different roles-is holding us down and we have got to do away with them,”she says.
But counseling experts believe that families investing in the education and well-being of the child- girl is largely responsible for women now becoming bread winners in the family.
According to the programme director of Women’s Advancement Through Cinema and Human Exchange (WATCH), Ilse van Lamoen – Isoun, women can do anything as long as they are empowered and trained to do so.
She said women put in a lot of work at home which they are not even paid for or appreciated for, adding, “So those that also pay the bills should be commended and celebrated.
“Most men believe that it is the duty of the woman to take care of the home, so they take it for granted when they get home and everything is in order. Hardly do they think they should help with house chores even when the woman is also a working class woman.”
Haliru Hassan a civil servant said, “I don’t know what the hype about being a breadwinner is all about. Growing up, though my father was known as the bread winner, it was my mother that really catered for the home; it’s her ingenuity that kept the family together.
“These ‘celebrities’ coming out to say they provide for their spouses is completely unnecessary. Our mothers have taken charge of the home for decades without saying anything to the world. No man can hold a home successfully without the help of a woman, be it his mother or wife.
“Things are changing, women are becoming more empowered, I think they are evolving, changing with the times. Even house wives these days engage in little trade to help in the home, even when their spouses are the bread winners.”