When will you walk away ?

Whether you have known that person for just a week or for several years, when you love someone and have decided to date,  you always hope that the day you will have to make such a decision never comes, but sometimes it does.As much as we hate to admit it, some relationships are unhealthy for […]

Whether you have known that person for just a week or for several years, when you love someone and have decided to date,  you always hope that the day you will have to make such a decision never comes, but sometimes it does.
As much as we hate to admit it, some relationships are unhealthy for us and though sometimes we keep holding on, hoping we can salvage what’s left of it, it just does not work and the only option left is to walk away.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and the unpleasant moments may be much more than the moments you reminisce with a silent smile; but that should never dampen your spirit or fill you with hate.
Rather figure out what works for you, what makes you happy or unhappy, when to stay and when to walk away.  But what determines when it’s time to walk away?
We all know that  lies, deceit and lack of willingness to commit are reasons most people walk out of a relationship, but I thought to ask others to know their views.
My first respondent, Simon Moses, said his greatest nightmare is lack of intellect and interest too.
“For me, commitment is not my greatest worry, I worry more about my partner’s interests and intellectual capacity. I also worry about her not getting along well with my relatives or friends. If my partner cannot tolerate, respect and appreciate my people, then there’s no point remaining in that relationship.”
While I agree that respecting your partner’s relatives is important in any relationship, I found myself asking what if it is the other way round.
I said to myself there is no point hanging on to a partner that is not liked by your family, because you will always find yourself in a dilemma; and at the end of the day, however hard you try, the decision to like or not to like that person lies with them.
For Fatima Mohammed, commitment is everything. She said if her partner shows no sign of committing at its earliest, there is no reason to keep holding on.
“It’s not like I am in a hurry to get married or that I must get married to that person. But if I am in a relationship with you and you are not willing or showing any readiness to commit, at some point I will have to walk away. There is no rule which says you must date for several months or years before you get married.”
It’s true that it does not take an eternity for anyone to decide whether or not he/she wishes to spend the rest of their lives with you; it either happens or does not happen.
And while it is advisable that you do not devote more time than necessary to a relationship that you feel is heading  nowhere, it’s always best you to give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
We all have expectations, some much higher than others; and while some of these expectations are met, a number of others seem far away. Now, do you walk away simply because your expectations are not met?
Vanessa Frank, my next respondent, said  as long as your expectations are not over reaching, you do not need too much time to decide whether or not to stay.
“Before going into a relationship you have your expectations which under normal circumstances should be realistic. In my view, one month is enough time to know if you are in the right relationship or not, all things being equal. When such a time comes, as women, we may be tempted to make excuses and justify the short comings. I think this is wrong and we should learn to tell ourselves the truth, bitter as it may be. If you make an effort to discuss your worries with your partner and nothing comes out of it except his making excuses, this is enough warning sign for you to take your leave. If you decide to stay in the relationship and weather it out, it means you are ready to face the consequences, however it ends,”  she said.
Adefare Bademosi,  another respondent, said betrayal is enough reason to walk away.
“First of all, I can’t remain with a girl who cannot get over her ex or someone who is too materialistic and has lied to me about her family background. I can’t deal with someone who has an inferiority complex. There is always a limit to the number of betrayals you can deal with. I will walk away,” he said.
There is no doubt that honesty plays a major role in any relationship and once there is the slightest doubt in the character of your partner, knowingly or otherwise, you begin to slip away.
While some of us can deal with our partners being stuck on their exes or even find excuses for their sometimes irrational behaviors, several others feel the boat is too small to accommodate three people, and I agree.
There is no reason why anyone in his right state of mind will remain in a relationship with someone who is stuck on an ex, except, of course, that person does not mind being an ‘option’.
Oge Onuorah, my next respondent, said to me there is no point remaining in a relationship when the respect is no longer there.
She said,” When you don’t understand one another again and the respect is no longer there, there is no reason to hold on. I will go out of my way to see that the person improves. I overlook a lot of things. But at the end, one needs to sit and ask if he or she is really happy.”
We all have different reasons for staying or leaving a relationship, and if at the end we decide to walk away, it does not necessarily mean that we have stopped loving that person.
Perhaps you think that a particular person is the best thing that has ever happened to you but he or she might not be good for you. And there may be someone out there that you feel is not right for you, but that person could turn out to be the best one for you.
As always, it is best to weigh your options, search within yourself to ensure you are not acting on impulse or giving in to the desires of others.
People will always have an opinion of you, what you do, how you do it and who you date; but the ultimate decision to make yourself happy is yours.