When women shoulder too much in the home

With horns blaring on both sides of her steering, she took one more glance at some blind spot from the side mirror before sharply cutting out to the next traffic lane. It is 2:00p.m. the ‘school runs hour’ and only a quick dash could take her fast enough to cover the two miles from the […]

With horns blaring on both sides of her steering, she took one more glance at some blind spot from the side mirror before sharply cutting out to the next traffic lane.
It is 2:00p.m. the ‘school runs hour’ and only a quick dash could take her fast enough to cover the two miles from the office to the school her two children, aged seven and five, attend. She had been warned several times about such dicey turns at dangerous bends especially on busy times of the day. But she has to settle the kids on time and resume work.
Still, on her return home after the day’s schedule, Cecilia Adebayo (not real names) begins the next round of home chores. Eventually, she tires out and goes to bed late in the night. All the while, Cecilia’s husband had been away on one of his numerous trips.
However, some men are actually at home, not on any trips, yet they leave the burden of running the home to their wives.
Like Cecilia, many married women are increasingly feeling the pinch in their matrimonial home. More often than not women are being called upon to also become the breadwinners in their families with the men taking a lay-back position.
Such developments put a lot of strain on their marriages. From the interviews on this study, it is obvious that women actually feel burdened when made to shoulder responsibilities in a way that the men don’t.
“I have decided to bear my own cross and not look up to my spouse all the time because I know he does not have all the time. It’s not been easy for me,” Cecilia said.
Lucy Agba, a journalist bemoans a situation where men burden women with responsibilities which ought to be theirs (husbands). She believes a man who shies away from responsibilities and will gladly put the burden on his wife does not have any sense of pride.
“I have seen men who will not as much as touch their wife’s salary.  But when they have financial challenges they still come back to the wife and say, ‘I can’t do this and I can’t do that, will you assist?’ And at such points the woman will gladly assist knowing that the man has been responsible. But there are other men who because the wife works and they don’t work, want to rob the glory of the woman off her. And they burden her. That is actually a slavery mentality,” she said.
While it is the place of the woman to help the man meet the family goals, Lucy believes it is wrong for the man to overdo it and overtly stretch it to the limit.
“I have a friend who told me her husband makes her submit her salary to him every month and he now doles out the amount he wants her to keep. All of that boils down to inferiority complex because a man who is superior in himself will sit down and manage his one naira effectively. What if the woman is not working, wouldn’t he live his life?
 It depends on the man. Yes there are men who shoulder so many responsibilities  and there are men who don’t go out there to try their hands on anything because their wives have good jobs,” she said.
For Okoro Ugochukwu, a businessman, some men actually become laid back when they find out that their wives are hard working. He said this makes such men to become involved in drinking and having mistresses outside the home.
“Being that your wife earns money either through employment or doing private business is not to say that you leave every responsibility to her. She is just to add to your own and complement you as a man. They are weaker vessels, and if you over labour her even if she willingly does so, after some time it becomes an abuse,” she said.
However, some analysts are of the view that women should understand their husbands in managing their homes, maintaining that running the home is unique to individual families.
Amaka Okeke, a consultant says the issue of family responsibility is not cast in stone.  “I have seen situations where the man does more of the job at home because his own work is not as structured as that of his wife’s. All that every family requires is understanding among of the couple,” she said.
Asma’u Ismaila Abdullahi, a public servant says she does not experience any excessive load in her marriage because her husband understands his roles and goes ahead to play them.
“He knows what is specified in the Holy Qur’an. So he does his own and I also do mine,” she said.
For Halima  Ahmed, 46, (not real name) a civil servant, men should help women in running the house as exemplified by Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) where he helped his family with household chores.
“I believe he did it to set an example, but most of our men would sit down without even helping with the children’s homework even when they are relaxed. They would chase the children away and send them to the mothers.  So also the issue of going to hospital, you will see a woman with small children struggling to enter a tricycle to go to the hospital alone, while the husband even if he has a car would refuse to take them. He believes it is her responsibility. It is too bad,”  she said.
As for Oluchi Meribe, a public servant, with mutual understanding, she and her husband, whose work involves travelling, does not feel the pinch of running the home most times that he is away.  She added that every family is unique.
It is believed that a stressful marriage can kill, while a happy one can elongate life. This stress can come from the issue of money, external and pressure among others. How the marriage turns out is the result of effort put in by the individuals involved.