When would Trump fail?

For the sake of all those hoping and praying that it happens, Donald Trump had better not make a success of his presidency. There are many reasons to so wish and pray. For one, at 70, Trump does not qualify to be called a young man even by PDP youth leadership categorisation in Naija.  I […]

For the sake of all those hoping and praying that it happens, Donald Trump had better not make a success of his presidency. There are many reasons to so wish and pray. For one, at 70, Trump does not qualify to be called a young man even by PDP youth leadership categorisation in Naija.  I have taken a partial interest in Trump’s adventure in politics and have followed his government and appointments. The reason is simple America takes interest in everybody else’s business and so we all take the liberty it claims to have in abundance to make our own conjectures on its politics and policies. The second reason is even better, because we are Africa’s giant, we love to talk about the world’s giant.

While he was campaigning for the presidency, a reporter asked Sai Baba a question about his health and he challenged him to a wrestling match – as they say, old soldiers never die! Well, Sai Baba is still hail and hearty by Naija definition, he just got tired of the foul air of the locust years and has taken a fully paid breath of Fresh Air in London. Never believe anything to the contrary just because you are not the King of Morocco. If you have faith like the grain of acha or Daura millet, you would wish that Sai Baba addresses his subjects from his oxygen chamber in London instead of the King of Morocco and it shall be done as you wish. 

So Trump is truly disappointing even those who of us who did not appoint him. Staying out of scandals thus far is surprising, except of course you believe that the session over Jeff Sessions is anything but a storm in a teacup. Say what you may, just like Sai Baba backed Babachir Lawal, his grasscutter, and Tukur Buratai his army chief, don’t expect Trump not to back his Attorney General just because he forgot that he had shaken hands with a Russian envoy as a distinguished senator. Senators love the attention and the photo-op that such chance encounters provide. Besides, when it comes to America, don’t always believe those who swear to oaths since they neither swear by Sango, Ayelala nor Amadioha. 

The elderly remember George Bush Snr’s catchphrase – read my lips, no new taxes. In America, there is no other way to govern without taxes. They even have a euphemism for the kind of pain it causes – they call it tax pain – and believe me, it has no cure! In Naija, well, only evil servants pay taxes regularly, the rest of us get our taxes deducted but hardly remitted, just like our pensions. The middle-aged would remember the legendary words of President Bill Clinton on the Monica Lewinsky affair – ‘I did not have s*x with that woman’. Except you know how to use the Queen’s English the way Americans use it, never query what you read or hear about American officials. Jeff Sessions has done the needful, he has recused himself from any attempt to sniffle Trump’s alleged ties with Russia over the last election and that suffices.

The performance of a country’s economy has nothing to do with the age of the cabinet. Although Trump qualifies as Sai Baba’s little brother, I am not sure he addressed him as uban yaya when both men talked a few weeks ago. Trump is only 70 and the average age of most of his cabinet members is over 60. Most of Sai Baba’s cabinet members are under 50. For all the talk of Trump being an outsider, he took governance seriously, identifying who should head what in case he wins. That’s a big one compared to our man who ran four times before making it. Trump hit the ground running, signing over a dozen executive orders on his inauguration day. On inauguration night, Sai Baba was too exhausted from it all and went straight to bed. 

Trump is barely two months in office but most of his cabinet members are already in place proving to be an elixir for an economy predicted by the experts to fail. Wicked people say that Sai Baba promised to make the Naira exchange for a dollar during the campaigns but the only thing the Naira has done is Usain Bolt away from the Promised Land. Not even Cockney accents have helped our poor Naira.

Despite all the bad blood generated by the Trump’s election, the American dollar has held its own against every major currency on planet universe. If it took Sai Baba six months to gather his cabinet, it took a year to raise a budget. Trump’s first budget to Congress has rallied the American economy and shored up the dollar against major currencies. Even for his low approval rating, his address made the Dow hit 21,000 for the first time ever. American stocks have risen to $3 trillion since November 8, according to available figures. Perhaps not a friend of Trump rhetorics, yet 70% of Americans say they feel better about their country under him. Let’s not have the Naija figures from Southern Kaduna, Agatuland, Biafraud of Rivers State.

There are those that vow that Trump’s language is becoming more presidential. I am not worried that Trump would do better than Sai Baba because experience means it just can’t happen. What sayest thou?