When you realise your partner is ‘fake’

When you discover that you’ve been lied to, it’s natural to doubt almost everything the person/persons say henceforth. And when that person is your significant other, you are more pained and feel betrayed.  So, what would you do if you realize that everything you’ve been told by your partner were all lies?   Lying is […]

When you discover that you’ve been lied to, it’s natural to doubt almost everything the person/persons say henceforth. And when that person is your significant other, you are more pained and feel betrayed.  So, what would you do if you realize that everything you’ve been told by your partner were all lies?

 

Lying is one of the commonest wrong acts people practice. Most people agree that lying is wrong, except when there’s a good reason for it – which means that it’s not always wrong!

According to Dictionary.com, a lie is “a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood, something intended or serving to convey a false impression.”

Simply put, a lie is an inaccurate or false statement. But what would you do if you realized that the person you’ve been married to or about to get married to has been lying to you? LifeXtra went to town to know what people felt about this issue; respondents gave very interesting comments.

Muhammad Bello Sada, a lecturer, said “It depends on the magnitude and how importance the issue he/she has been lying about. But in most cases, that is one of those things you just have to live with.”

Gotname Mimi Bitrus, an entrepreneur, said she would postpone the wedding. “My reason being that love or any relationship built on lies will not stand,” she added.

Jennifer Okeke, a student, opined that it depends on the kind of lie. She asked rhetorically, “Is it a fundamental lie? Did he lie about a previous marriage or existence of children or even what he does for a living or is it a lie about issues like he doesn’t watch football whereas he does?”

Concurring with Bitrus, she added, “If the lie will have an impact on our lives after the marriage then the wedding will be cancelled or postponed. It can be very hard to understand why your partner would lie to you. After all, if you’re married, you took vows to love, honor and trust one another.”

Quoting Amy Morin, who offers advice on her marriage counseling blog, an online article on everydayhealth.com titled “How To Deal With A Lying Spouse” stated that “lying can feel like a serious form of betrayal [but] if you catch your spouse in a lie, it is important to examine your reaction [since] your behavior may influence the likelihood that your spouse may lie again.”

The article added, “A lie may not be meant to hurt another person but that’s very often the result. Some people lie as a form of self-protection. Others do so to save themselves from punishment or conflict, or to gain acceptance from a group or get something else they want.”

However, lying to a spouse is the first step towards ruining a relationship or marriage, says Ugo Emerole, a Port-Harcourt based technician. Emerole says irrespective of the gravity of the matter, a spouse deserves to be told the truth at all times. “I cannot imagine lying to my wife because I’m scared of the repercussion if she discovers the truth. It will definitely ruin our marriage, hurt her and also belittle me. So no matter what I did in the past, I should be honest enough to tell her.”