When your child turns you into a reluctant grandparent

Umuahia, tucked away in far eastern Nigeria has all the while been a home where teenage girls are subtly coerced into selling their babies for N15, 000 whilst in the care of doctors who ran illegal maternity homes. It sounds like a fairy tale, believe it, it is real. Anybody who read the story last […]

Umuahia, tucked away in far eastern Nigeria has all the while been a home where teenage girls are subtly coerced into selling their babies for N15, 000 whilst in the care of doctors who ran illegal maternity homes. It sounds like a fairy tale, believe it, it is real. Anybody who read the story last week in this paper and those who would be reading this would surely be amazed at this animalistic behaviour.  Surely this would raise questions. Why would anybody want to leave their home to live in the squalor of an uncompleted building and stench ridden environment? Why would anyone, after nine long months of pregnancy, only to deliver the baby and then sell it off? The selling price does not matter, because that is not the thing to worry about. That such a thing exists is really appalling.
It was learnt that some of the teens had come to this ‘baby factory’ because their parents and families had thrown them out upon discovering they were pregnant.
 “My father beat me up and sent me out of the house when I got pregnant. He said I was a disgrace and would bring disgrace on the family,’’ one of the girls said. Now, this raises the question of parents’ role in care and upbringing of their children pregnant or not.
Often times, men lure innocent young girls into illicit sexual escapades not minding the grave implications of their insatiable desire they  should have directed at the appropriate quarters, I mean to older ladies who could take care of themselves. I am not by this statement supporting sexual promiscuity among adults, no far from that. Abstinence remains the best option for anybody until marriage. However, where a man has come under uncontrollable sexual urge, at least the red light districts are there. Going for innocent girls; who do not know what they are doing is a really devilish act.
Understandably, most teens are likely to fall into a state of depression and withdrawal when they realise they are pregnant. Abortion is not an option the average teen should be made to contemplate. Support from the father, mother and other members of her immediate family is most invaluable because an unplanned teenager’s pregnancy is a delicate matter to handle. 
As a pregnant teen, breaking the news to parents is indeed a herculean task. It is the reason why some of them keep quiet and wait until the news ‘breaks’ itself. The fear of their parents’ reaction and what may become afterwards is usually a major concern because of the havoc and chaos that would follow. There is parents’ anger towards their child and some unborn child on some instances. Some are lucky, after the initial anger, their parents accept the news and give their support. Look for respondant at least, this has been demonstrated from the respondent above.
In the name of so-called civilization and mordernisation, people, including children, are daily being exposed to all sorts of things. This include the double edged sword called sex education that the Nigerian society is not prepared to handle. For instance, how many parents do really have quality time t o spend with their kids at home or really take time to secretly monitor what their children do or the kind of company they keep? Again, the sex education being talked about, how much do parents know about it? Or are we all agreed that this issue should be discussed, and if so what perspective should it take? Most importantly, who should provide the lead in this all important matter given the dictum which says he who comes to equity should come with clean hands? All these posers should be addressed if we are to make any headway in addressing this societal malaise.
In today’s world, practically every teen is involved in one form of sex or the other. Unfortunately or fortunately, many return home to their parents with pregnancy.
All of a sudden you become the bad girl and other mothers are asking their daughters to be ware of you because you are bad influence. They forget that their daughters are doing the same thing you are doing but just haven’t got caught yet.
In such a situation it is useless to start throwing blames around when it is the responsibility of both parents to raise the child in the right path. You both should therefore be ready to face the consequences of being untimely grandparents if you have failed in the beginning to do things correctly.
The last thing you should do to your child is to treat her the same way neighbours and friends do. If the damage has been done, throwing her out to the society which spoiled her does not solve the problem. The Umuahia ‘baby factory’ tells us literarily that the solution lies in accepting the ‘bad girl’ back and begin a process of damage control. Like it is said earlier on in this article, some of these untimely teenagemothers got innocently hoodwinked into this dastardly act. Chasing them away to the same society that destroyed them only further endangers them. It is probable that that may be her only chance at motherhood. Many women who have had abortion in their younger days who get married never had kids afterwards. Some of those who kept the pregnancies are eternally grateful because those are the only children they have.
When your child opens up to you on such a development the wrong reaction is to send her away from home, said Mrs. Ijeoma Obi, a mother whose 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. ‘’I am there and understanding how embarrassing it can be. My first thought was to send her to my mum so that she could have the baby away from home and save myself the embarrassment especially as her father was blaming it all on me and my inability to be a mother as he put it. But I said to myself, what will become of her and how will she be able to cope mentally and emotionally with the pressure. That was when I decided to keep her at home and watch over her myself. I go with her for antenatal serious and share her experiences as we compare them to mine.
“On her own she has realised the gravity of her situation and knows better to prevent it from happening in such a circumstance.
“I don’t think with my aged mother who stopped having babies over 50 years ago, she would have had the kind of knowledge that she now has staying with me and receiving support from her siblings and I. Her father is still angry but my prayer is that when the baby comes he will change his mind.”
Indeed a teen daughter being pregnant or your son making you to become untimely grandfather or grandmother  can be overwhelming for your family.
In all of this remember that your reaction and attitude towards them is very significant and important. Sending them away from home is not the best solution to an already bad situation.
If you could not prevent them from getting pregnant or impregnating someone, try accepting the circumstance as an unsolicited gift that you would not have bought yourself. In the end after the whole hullaballoo is over you’ll find it a wonderful gift to receive and you will cherish it forever.
For teens and young adults, it is important for you to know that sex is a huge, huge responsibility. If you decide to partake of it be ready for the responsibility.