When your generosity is taken for granted

Friends are a part of our lives and once in a while we oblige them favors, bearing in mind the cliché “what are friends for?” But what happens when your kindness is taken for granted?

 

A friend shared her experience. “A friend of mine came into town and needed a place to stay for the three days he would be in town. I saw nothing wrong in accepting that he stayed with me; after all it was just my wife and I in the house. I chartered a car to pick him from where he was, and to my surprise he had four other people with him and without uttering a word to me asked them to enter the car as the person they were going to stay with had arrived to pick them up. I was angry but couldn’t vent it out there. Take note that he never discussed this with me. So, my wife had to start making arrangements for four extra persons we never expected. To make matters worse, they were all men.”

 

Blessing John, 40-year-old civil servant, says it all boils down to wisdom. “It only goes to show that, that particular friend isn’t a true friend. No true friend does that. How can one impose four extra people on someone without notification of any sort? The earlier you learn that such a person doesn’t care about how you feel or the extra burden and responsibility placed on you or your wife, the better.”

 

Azuka Henry, 36-year-old caterer says “this friend of yours does not appreciate you in any way. If he did, he wouldn’t have had the audacity to ask four people to join him in staying in your house. What right thinking friend asks four other men to join him in his friend’s house where his wife also stays? This friendship to me is one of benefit. Cut off the relationship as soon as possible.” 

 

Kemi Tobi, 35-year-old teacher says there are reasons why people take one for granted. “There’s a reason why you may be allowing others to take you for granted. And in all probability, it starts and ends with self-respect. We believe that as friends we should always try to do everything to satisfy our friends. But in this case the friend has clearly shown that he has no respect for his friend and already knows his flaws. He knows that he will not get any resistance from his friend and that is why he called on more people to join him. In such a situation, the friend should have called him aside and told him that it won’t be possible to accommodate more people. That way, he would have passed a message that he won’t tolerate being taken for granted. Once in a while we need to stand our ground when it comes to friends and even family.” 

 

Jamila Bello, 39-year-old accountant says, “Such people exist in every relationship and the irony of the whole thing is that people who take others for granted would never like to be taken for granted. I bet you that such a person will not even have the courtesy to accommodate anyone when the need arises. I’ll suggest that you talk with such a person to let him/her know you would not want to be taken for granted and would love to be respected the same way you respect them. Respect they say has to be reciprocal.”