Where is Maku’s Ebola vaccine?

These days, you have to wait for Levick to authenticate reports to believe it. It’s incredible that a virus would break through the iron-clad walls announced in April by propaganda minister, Liebaron Maku. He boasted with the candour of a dissembler that he has stored vaccines for the virus which was then ravaging other parts […]

These days, you have to wait for Levick to authenticate reports to believe it. It’s incredible that a virus would break through the iron-clad walls announced in April by propaganda minister, Liebaron Maku. He boasted with the candour of a dissembler that he has stored vaccines for the virus which was then ravaging other parts of West Africa.
When your information manager tells you that he has things under control, you tend to believe them. Methinks that was what happened when doctors hung their stethoscopes and went on strike. With a vaccine in store, even doctors can go on strike. So, when Sawyer brought his viral terror through Lagos airport, you could be forgiven to say ‘you wan try us?’ Maku made us believe that no viral weapon fashioned against us shall prosper. So, where is the Maku Ebola vaccine?
When the cash was announced, I thought the money was being set aside to pursue last week’s electoral war in Aregbesola’s State of Osun. Last Saturday, it looked like President Jones ordered the redeployment of the famed 20,000 Naija soldiers fighting the insurgency in Haramistan for a more important assignment in Osogbo. The ratio of soldiers to each voter was about four to one. If I lied, then Omisore won the election. You can imagine why insurgents overran the town of Gwoza, a town which topography is famous as training ground for our kill-and-go.
Talking about kill-and-go, would someone tell us why we still have the police? Armed robberies have not diminished. Ritual killers are operating freely and since they cannot distinguish between a thief and a corrupt person, the EFCC are catching both. But to worsen matters, the turnaround of police chiefs in the last decade and a half is more than some countries have in 50 years without improvement. If I was Suleiman Abba, I’d be ashamed to see that the organisation I head cannot police or monitor elections.
If the purpose of having a police force is for them to set up checkpoints, then let us abandon this pretension that we have scrapped toll gates, and embrace the fact that the police are there as toll collectors. In that case, we can merge them to the prime minister’s office so that they can make returns at the end of every year like their Customs counterparts. Pretending that we have law enforcement officers while deploying soldiers to monitor elections is rather shameful and a rape of the democratic process. Someone tell me, when was the last time the police busted a major crime or successfully prosecuted one? Armed robbers rule the roads and the night while the police take tolls at checkpoints.
I believe President Jones is thinking along the same lines. It appears he is reviving the idea of the National Guard, first broached by the regime of the evil genius. Looks like masked men would take over from the conventional police. The big question is why their efficacy is being tested on the ruining party members and candidates alone. From the first day of his campaign, the loser, Iyiola Omisore, was guided and guarded by these masked men. There were unconfirmed reports that the hooded goons attempted to cause commotion during the Osun governorship election.
The people of Osun should be thanked for not allowing themselves to be provoked. Whenever the irrational assembly returns from its recess during leave, let us hope that someone has the audacity to seek clarification from the federal authorities. Naija temperatures are not conducive for masked men even during the rainy season and it may be difficult to distinguish between a hooded protector and an armed party hoodlum.
Back to Ebola things, I understand that the reason kolanut and bitter kola have joined the list of essential commodity is that members of the feral executhief council mopped up supply for their weekly meetings. It is the only stimulant allowed at the harried chambers where our money is shared. I understand that the prime minister would be giving a report of extra taxes from Dangote to supplement next year’s budget. The man sold more salt in one day than he would have sold in a whole year, no thanks to Ebola. If there was no moratorium on the sale of acid, the emergency wing of our hospitals would have been filled with acid bath victims.
In succumbing to the ministerial lie of a vaccine against Ebola, some people would rather be deformed than be the late. See why we still need to ask Liebaron Maku where he kept our vaccine? If a whole minister can mislead a whole nation without consequence, who can ask for penalty against the lady who started the Ebola salt bath rumour? When a nation becomes a circus, its citizens automatically become jesters.