Whirlwind of Yar’guguwa

As I mentioned in my diary two weeks ago, getting Yar’guguwa to join our campaign was a stroke of luck. Maikahon Karo had suggested her during our strategy session. Our campaign’s chairman Alhaji Gohe said yes, he knew her very well and that she is a valuable campaign asset. However, he said he did not […]

As I mentioned in my diary two weeks ago, getting Yar’guguwa to join our campaign was a stroke of luck. Maikahon Karo had suggested her during our strategy session. Our campaign’s chairman Alhaji Gohe said yes, he knew her very well and that she is a valuable campaign asset. However, he said he did not think we could get Yar’guguwa, because we are starting our campaign late. He said other aspirants who have been silently campaigning from the day the last election ended must have beaten us to her house.
So we began to scout for other women politicians that we can recruit to lead our women’s wing. As it happened, my second wife Goggon Makka happened to be preparing the lunch table during our meeting and she overheard our conversation. She later told me that Yar’guguwa was her school mummy and they have maintained good relations even when we were in Abuja. We therefore sent Goggon Makka, with Tsinin Kusa in tow, to try to recruit Yar’guguwa. To our amazement, it worked.
Last week, having regained her voice from catarrh, we got the first taste of Yar’guguwa at work. She came to my house on a Saturday morning in the Toyota Starlet that I gave her. When she alighted, a Kombi bus parked behind her and a dozen women jumped out. They had with them a drummer; while he slung a big kalangu on his shoulder, his assistant had the small drum called kurkutu slung around his neck. A tall man emerged from behind them with a trumpet, and they also had with them a female praise singer called Magajiya.
Before you know it, a carnival exploded in front of my house. The dozen women in Yar’guguwa’s entourage broke into a frenzied dance. The drummer was very skilful; he performed some acrobatics while banging at his drum. Magajiya pulled a potable microphone from her large side pocket and launched into a song, saying:
When you see a governor,
no one has to tell you.
His forehead is shining like a comet.
Not someone with forehead like a buffalo.
This was a clear dig at my political rival Goshin Bauna. All my neighbours trooped out of their houses to watch the carnival. Motorists and motorcyclists parked their vehicles and bikes and came to watch; traders at the Kwalkwala market abandoned their stalls when they heard the singing and they all came down to watch.
My three wives emerged from the house and joined in the carnival. At the center of the show was Yar’guguwa. She launched into a wiggling dance, rotating like a whirlwind, and she was rolling her eyes as if she was in a trance. Yar’guguwa could also sing. She was saying:
Government House is not for the coward.
It is also not for the miser.
A stingy man will never smell it.
It is not for the man whose hand is like glue.
The carnival lasted for two hours, and at one point there were hundreds of people in front of my house watching it. Before they left, Yar’guguwa invited Goggon Makka to a meeting that afternoon at Aljannah Garden Park, near the river. My wife later told me that when she approached the garden, she saw several dozen cars were parked all around it. Gaily dressed women were going in and out of the park; cartons of drinks and baskets of snacks were being ferried in.
It turned out to be a meeting of Tafki Women’s Front [TWF], one of the many front organisations for Yar’guguwa’s politics. She was introduced at the meeting as President General of TWF, Life Chairperson of Tafki League of Patriots, General Overseer of The Home Front [THF] and Commanding General of Tafki Women’s Brigade. Yar’guguwa described the meeting as a Combined General Congress of all four groups. Goggon Makka was made to wait in a side room while the drama built up. Sitting with Yar’guguwa on the high table were her top assistants; she had a deputy for each of the four groups that she headed. Her TWF deputy is Hajiya Yar Kundu, who is one of the biggest rice merchants in Tafki State. Maikaho told me that Yar Kundu is socially and politically inseparable from Yar’guguwa. Yar’guguwa’s son is married to Yar Kundu’s daughter while one of Yar Kundu’s sons is married to Yar’guguwa’s daughter. Hence their inseparable team up. 
When Goggon Makka was ushered into the meeting, the whole park exploded in cheers. Yar’guguwa introduced her as “the incoming First Lady.” All the women jumped out of their seats and surrounded her, saying “Your Excellency! Your Excellency!” That part of it caused trouble for me at home that night because Goggo Babba and Goggon Abuja heard what happened. They accosted Tsinin Kusa in the living room and they accused him of being the hypocrite who went and anointed Goggon Makka as the first lady even though she is not Alhaji’s senior wife. Goggon Abuja, who was in charge of cooking that day, refused to give Tsinin Kusa any food. Though he was in our house until late, he went home hungry.
Anyway, the spectacle paid off very well politically. We heard that Goshin Bauna sent for Yar’guguwa that night but she refused to go. Goshin Bauna then got the First Lady to intervene on his behalf. When Yar’guguwa went to see her at the Government House, the First Lady said, “Haba Yar’guguwa, you want to disgrace my husband’s close friend? Just because Alhaji gave you Toyota Starlet? Okay, Goshin Bauna will send you a Toyota Camry, new model. He will give you ten hajj seats and also fertiliser. His Excellency will also add his own gifts.”
When Yar’guguwa emerged from meeting the First Lady, the Kombi bus full of women was waiting for her outside. Security guards had refused to let them enter the Government House, so they had to wait outside. Yar’guguwa emerged and entered the bus. As soon as the driver reversed and screeched the tyres, a loud cry of “2015 Sai Alhaji!” rent the air from inside the bus.