Who should be responsible for a date?

In traditional African setting, men are responsible for meeting a number of the family’s needs; especially ones that have to do with finance. The women are mostly restricted to domestic chores and care of children. However, with western influence on Africans about courtship and marriage; especially taking a partner out on a date, most Africans […]

In traditional African setting, men are responsible for meeting a number of the family’s needs; especially ones that have to do with finance. The women are mostly restricted to domestic chores and care of children.

However, with western influence on Africans about courtship and marriage; especially taking a partner out on a date, most Africans now view courtship based on one’s ability to take his/her partner out. This trend has brought to the fore a debate on who is to take the other out on a date; the man or the woman?

In most cases, men are seen pulling out their wallets or giving their ATM cards to cashiers and waiters in stores, restaurants and at other social places for POS transaction to mean they are responsible for the outing. While some conventional women consider it the responsibility of men to take them out on dates, others say it should be shared between couples.

Shola Kolawole said the onus lay on her husband to take her out; especially during festive seasons and holidays. “Taking my husband out? Sounds odd to me,” she said. “It is the responsibility of my husband to take me out and lavish me with gifts.”

Kolawole added that she had never thought of taking her husband out, but that the best she had done was to buy him gifts on his birthdays and during other celebrations.

She said men should always be willing and capable of taking their spouses out even without them demanding for it.

For Mrs. Abidemi Adeleye, the responsibility should be shared between couples. Though she averred that men should bear the burden more, but sees no wrong in a woman taking her spouse out on date, adding that such move made marriage healthy.

“When my husband was celebrating his birthday, I took him for shopping and to a restaurant, though we share a joint account, but it was my responsibility on the day not to demand anything while I ensured he was satisfied,” she said.

She added that the first time, “I took him out; he was surprised and pleased because he was not expecting it. I asked him where he would like to go for dinner, and I got him a shirt from a store in the mall.”  

Mrs. Adeleye also said whenever she took her husband out, which was not as regular as her husband took her out, there was an atmosphere of calmness between them “because he will be smiling all through wondering what I will do next.”

She said women could be demanding; especially when on a date, but that there was nothing wrong when a woman took time out to be in the “driving seat” of the outing.

She added that there was nothing wrong in women taking their spouses out and footing the bill, but was quick to add that some men could take advantage of it. “I think in a relationship that a couple goes out often and spend quality time together will be healthier,” she said.

However, a woman who would not want to be mentioned, said her husband had never taken her out since they got married five years ago.

“I do not know anywhere in Abuja. The only time we go out is during wedding ceremonies of relatives, birthday parties and other occasions. In fact, my husband is always very busy,” she said.

When asked if she would have loved to take him out, she said, “I have not considered that, but it is something I would want to do. Since he doesn’t, I will give it a try; probably it will motivate him into turning over a new leaf,” she said.

Mr. John Davies said though it was seen more as a tradition in this part of the world for men to take the responsibility of taking their wives to special places, but that there was nothing strange for a woman organising a date with her husband.

Davies said if the woman truly saw herself as a soulmate, she could also organise special outings whereby she would give her husband a treat, adding that such arrangements should not be one-sided.

“The responsibility these days in any home is not one-sided and as soulmates we should jointly make ourselves happy,” he said.

However, Davies said the husband or wife might sometimes turn down such invitations due to so many factors such as to avoid waste of money. 

He added that in all, it was a good one if women could embrace such. “If your wife makes money and buys a car, you can also drive the car because it’s for both of you.”