Who’d you support at cross-roads, family or spouse?

When it comes to settling disputes between a family member and a spouse, one can get caught in a web over whom to support. This issue has often thrown many families into disarray. How best can we handle this dilemma when we are confronted with it? Life Xtra sought the opinion of a cross section […]

When it comes to settling disputes between a family member and a spouse, one can get caught in a web over whom to support. This issue has often thrown many families into disarray. How best can we handle this dilemma when we are confronted with it? Life Xtra sought the opinion of a cross section of people on the vexing matter.
Jane and Moses were married for three years with a beautiful daughter and they lived happily. Then Moses’ younger sister came to live with them and she started to make life difficult for Jane, always finding faults with everything she did. Whenever an issue was reported to Moses, he wouldn’t say anything because he was caught in the middle; between his wife and sister. He didn’t know who to support. If you were Moses, who would you support?
Twentyish Kikelomo Omilola says she would always support her family because “men are not dependable. My family will always be there for me. They will never forsake me, especially my mum. So nothing like spouse here.”
Self-employed Kubwa resident, Joy Ade, who is in her mid-20s, would also prefer her family to her spouse though she admits that both are important. “My family will always be there for me and in fact, if my family did not take care of me, my spouse wouldn’t have met me and he wouldn’t have known of my existence,” she surmises. Joy added that she hopes her spouse would find it in his heart to forgive her in this circumstance.
Not so for Kola Shittu, who says his wife, would come first: “A nuclear family consists of a father, mother, and the kids if any. Every other person related to me by blood is an extended family. People need to grow up and understand that once you get married, that person you got married to is now your number one priority.” He adds that once married, even ones siblings and parents then become extended. “It is pathetic to hear people who are married say that my parents and siblings are number one,” he argues, stressing that married people have to “grow up, spouse first.”
Ada Helen Audu, aged 30-plus, who concurs with Shittu, explains that she would always support her spouse despite all the odds: “After all I’ve gone through with him and my children? They are the ones that are always there for you 24/7.”
Same for thirtyish Mamudu Ahmed, a laboratory scientist: “It is the spouse that matters most when it comes to issues like this. After all, I’m spending the rest of my life with her not my family so I have to put her interests first.”
Emeka David, a school teacher in his mid-30s who lives in Jabi, also said he would stick with his wife: “I vowed to stick with my wife in whatever situation she finds herself hence I’ll tell my family members not to do anything that would make them have clashes but if along the way it happens, I’ll stand by my wife.”
But Olutade Ladoye, who is over 30, is a bit philosophical about the issue, arguing that his spouse is also his family as much as his siblings. “After all, my spouse is also my family but if my family differs in any interests, then they are on their own,” he adds with finality.
For Dolor Ovie, it’s a two-way thing. “First of all, it depends on what happened and who was at fault. If my spouse is innocent, then I’ll support her but if she’s not, then I’ll let her know that what she did was wrong and I’ll tell her not to make such a mistake again. But, I won’t correct her in front of my family members. I’ll do that in private so that they won’t take undue advantage of her,” the thirtyish man noted.
Twenty-seven-year-old Ibukun Oluyemi, would rather remain neutral in the matter no matter what. “Supporting one person over the other would mean taking sides even when the person is wrong. So I would just remain on my own,” she stressed.