Why are some spouses overly protective?

Marriage plays a significant role because it is considered to be a sacred institution in which a man and a woman legally become husband and wife. A society’s beliefs, culture, norms and religion cannot be ignored when the issue of marriage comes up. Men are seen to be stronger than women in the union, but […]

Marriage plays a significant role because it is considered to be a sacred institution in which a man and a woman legally become husband and wife. A society’s beliefs, culture, norms and religion cannot be ignored when the issue of marriage comes up. Men are seen to be stronger than women in the union, but in the name of superiority some men tend to tight-mark their partners, arguing that it is out of love and care.
Mrs. Jamil Ade, a civil servant, was at the supermarket during the weekend shopping. She was struggling to pick up things, also holding a piece of paper, apparently her shopping list, and at the same time trying to control her kids who seemed to be having fun running around the supermarket. I noticed her phones had rung so many times and it seemed the caller kept on calling consecutively as both her phones were busy ringing but she never answered the call.
Apparently, it was her husband who was calling persistently just to find out why she had not yet returned home since it was a few minutes past 7 pm. She called him while she was at the counter only for her to find out the husband was calling to ask why she had stayed long at the supermarket, when she had barely spent half an hour there.
This got me thinking, why are some spouses over-protective of their partners? So we put the question to a cross section of people and their responses were as diverse as they were interesting.
Hauwa Aliyu, a 28-year-old banker, says some men are over-protective because they love and treasure their wives and would do anything they can to protect them: “For me, if a man is being over-protective of his wife it says a lot about that particular man. It shows that the man loves his wife and would go to any extent to ensure her safety.”
Hauwa adds that it is only when a man cares about his partner that he even goes out of his way to know what she is up to: “I think the husband that was calling his wife was just worried about her staying late, maybe she is not used to that kind of life and that was why he panicked when she didn’t return from the supermarket.”
She advised women to stop taking their husband’s over-protectiveness for granted and be glad that they have husbands who are actually looking out for them: “When a man is over-protective of his wife, it is potentially healthy but when a man sees no reason for him to protect his wife, then really that is cause for alarm.”
Jacob Ayuba, a 33-year-old architect, believes being over-protective helps a lot, especially if one knows the kind of wife he has. He said some women tend to be loose the moment they are not around their husbands and therefore, the husbands have no choice but to become over-protective of them.
“I see over-protectiveness as something that only comes when you love your partner so much and you wouldn’t trade her for anything,” Ayuba said. He cited the example of a friend of his who had a wife he loved so much but unfortunately she took his love for granted and started misbehaving. “Everything was okay between my friend and his wife until one day he saw a text message that was sent to her from an unknown number which he suspected to be her ex-boyfriend. Although it was just a short casual message asking of how she was doing, he suggested he calls the number to find out who the person was but to his surprise, the wife bluntly disagreed, saying there was no need for that,” he said.
Ayuba said that was the reason why his friend was over-protective since he had started doubting his wife. She lost his trust and became curious to know what she was up to because he wasn’t ready to lose her: “I advised my friend to check on his wife frequently and try to know her whereabouts, the people she interacts with and how she relates with her colleagues as well. I believe a person becomes over- protective of someone only when that person cherishes his or partner.”
On the other hand, Tonia Makanjuala, a mother of four in her late 30s, sees no reason for a husband to be over-protective of his wife, stressing that men just give flimsy excuses for their ‘stupid acts’ all in the name of protection. “Frankly speaking, I agree that a protective husband maybe deeply in love with his wife and even care a lot about her but then I always ask myself, is that an excuse to disturb her life and call her several times just because she was out?”
Makanjuala adds that if a man is confident of himself, he doesn’t need to do all the ‘silly things’ in the name of protecting her: “I believe the most important elements of a successful marriage are patience, trust, communication and understanding. If you trust your wife you don’t need to panic when she is out there doing something that will benefit both you and your children. The reason why most men who have adopted this unacceptable behaviour are being dramatically and overly protective is simply insecurity.”
She cited the case of one of her former neighbour who lived alone while his wife was in his hometown: “The man camped his girlfriend in his house, while his legal wife was abandoned in the village. I learned from a friend who happens to know his wife that he was being over-protective of her thinking she was also doing something of such where she was. Therefore, he had spies over there who were closely marking her to know what she was doing. Isn’t that insane?”