Why commitment should matter in your marriage

Another definition is that “commitment is a relationship that is the act of giving yourself, in whole, to the other person and the relationship. Staying faithful to the other person, being there whenever the other person needs you and putting up with the other person, no matter what happens.” According to experts, one reason why […]

Another definition is that “commitment is a relationship that is the act of giving yourself, in whole, to the other person and the relationship. Staying faithful to the other person, being there whenever the other person needs you and putting up with the other person, no matter what happens.”

According to experts, one reason why many relationships get characterised by dishonesty is because commitments are not defined as comprehensive as they should be.

According to Steve Pavlina, who runs a blog on personal development and relationships, it is always good to be specific. “Start by explicitly defining what your commitment looks like. What do you expect of each other? What have you decided to co-create together? Talk about actions, events, feelings, reactions, expectations, and consequences. Step out of the conceptual realm, and move into the world of what’s perceivable. If you’re going to make a commitment, then let it be grounded in reality.”

He said everyone has a different understanding of commitment. “If you assume your partner’s notion of commitment is the same as yours, good luck with that. It’s a well-trodden path to disappointment and heartbreak. Be prepared for that slow sinking feeling down the road.”

“My husband’s attitude to me has a lot to do with my day to day feelings. His attitude to my work, failures and success means a lot to me and it has always showed that he was committed to my well being and success. Then all of a sudden all these changed and I am beginning to get confused, please help me as I cannot take it any longer and it is affecting my work negatively,” these are the words of Mrs. Ify Enegide, who wrote narrating and seeking advice to her predicament.

Mrs. Enegide is not the only woman in this type of predicament as there are several other women in her shoes. But she has decided to take life the way it presents itself to them. It is important for every woman to have the support and encouragement of her husband but most of them have failed in their commitment to their wives and the home front in general.

There are several women who place so much importance on the opinion of their husbands about them.

“Commitment in a marriage is very vital as indeed every woman needs it to be assured of her husband’s commitment to her and the marriage” says Sarah Felix a secondary school teacher.

According to Mr. Harley, a marriage consultant, “women’s top six emotional needs are affection, conversation, honesty, openness, financial support and family commitment. It is normal for every woman to feel bothered if her husband does not show any commitment in whatever concerns her as it will keep hunting her that she is not good enough for him. It is important that husbands show confidence and give support to their wives, every woman deserves the right to her husband being the first person to believe in her and her capabilities. Every woman deserves the trust of her husband no matter what; there is nothing as painful as being neglected and short changed by a spouse especially if it is happening to the woman.

No marriage is all the way smooth as there are bound to be problems in one form or the other, but totally ignoring your wife and not showing concern causes emotional pain and stress for the woman. Every woman deserves the right to feel special and unique. Problems come and go “my husband is quick to forgive me when I make a mistake and once a problem is discussed and solved it is over and that shows that he is committed to the relationship and I feel happy and relaxed, at least it shows that he wants the best for the marriage,” says Hajia Jummai Awalu.

Whatever the reason maybe, just learn from experience though some might not be under our control but commitment to the marriage does not entail much compared to the pains and devastation it might cause at the end of the day.

But like Pavlina said “If you claim to be in a committed relationship but you don’t have a specific commitment with your partner that goes beyond the use of vague and ill-defined words, then don’t be too surprised when your connection gradually becomes something that appears committed on the surface but lacks the true spirit of commitment in your thoughts, feelings, and actions.”