Why do men find it hard to apologise?

Relationships face challenges from time to time. Most times a simply apology does the magic and brings things back to normal in the relationship. In some instances the game of who gets to say the first sorry keeps the misunderstanding going on for days and even weeks. There have been arguments in which men usually […]

Relationships face challenges from time to time. Most times a simply apology does the magic and brings things back to normal in the relationship. In some instances the game of who gets to say the first sorry keeps the misunderstanding going on for days and even weeks. There have been arguments in which men usually find it hard to apologise even if they are at fault.
Biola Abisoye, a 41-year-old nurse says the burden of saying sorry is taking a heavy toll on her marriage and at the end she has no option than to say the first sorry. She laments that: “My husband has a very bad habit of not apologising no matter how wrong he is. Instead, he will expect me to say sorry despite the fact that he is the one that offended me. If I fail to say sorry then we can stay together without talking to each other for days until l apologise. This is really a disturbing trend for me as it takes a negative toll on my family. I find it weird for him not to be able to say sorry when he offends me because when I know I am wrong I immediately say sorry. Sorry is a little word but with so much power, why do people, especially men, find it so hard to say sorry?”
For 38-year-old civil servant, Amos Matthew Akande, it is all about male chauvinism which women encourage: “Women encourage the ego of men because they celebrate getting married like it is a ticket to heaven. They see themselves as being victorious for the man to have chosen them among several other ladies. They worship the man and water his ego that he is her all in all. I am a man but I would advise that woman stop husband worship at least to the extent of fuelling their ego.  It is not love for any man to refuse apologising to his spouse and expect her to always be the one to apologise. Any time he offends you, insist on an apology from him. Don’t expect it; demand it because if you expect it, it will never come.”
Hajiya Jummai Abduallahi, a 40-year-old medical doctor says in African culture and some religious beliefs the wife is expected to be submissive even if it means apologising when she is not at fault. “It is Godly to say sorry even when you are right and others are wrong. Saying sorry won’t reduce you or make you less of a woman. If all men and women will say sorry even when they are right and the other party is wrong, the world will be a peaceful and loving place to live. We are Africans and our culture and religious books tell us to be the patient as we are the foundation of the home. If saying sorry even when right, is what will keep our home intact then so be it. May the Lord give us the grace to be more godly.”
Anne Adegoke, a 35-year-oldaccountant, says just as respect is reciprocal so is apologizing: “If he won’t apologise when he is wrong, why should I?  If he refuses her food, she should go ahead and eat it with her children. But all the same all his rights should be accorded him, greet him, be nice to him, perform all your duties but do not apologise when he should. He will be forced to grow up. It is not proper for you to keep apologising to him when he is the one that has wronged you.”
Other respondents tend to agree with the fact that men find it hard to apologise and have taken it to be a norm. Maryanne Simeon Opara, a 36-year-old, businesswoman notes that: “My hubby doesn’t apologise when he is wrong no matter how furious I am. But he says it indirectly by buying me gifts and pampers me but that word ‘sorry’ will never be uttered to me by him. So when people talk about getting apologies from their husbands I smile because it is an ego thing and such men don’t exist in reality but only in fictional stories. Men have very high egos, especially when they know the woman loves them more than they love her.”
For 34-year-old civil servant, Abisoye Omolara: “Any man that thinks of himself as too big to say sorry when he is wrong is just not being realistic. My two-year-old son knows how to say ‘sorry’ to me when he has done something wrong or offended me or anyone. How can an elderly person fail to say so when he is wrong? Any women that goes through such should teach her man manners, stop saying sorry all the time and when he stops talking  to you for days pretend like everything is okay, laugh more with him, then he will realise that it takes two to tango and realise his mistake.”
Marriage counsellor Hajiya Maryam Abduallhi, states that: “For every relationship to work there is the need for understanding between the couples. For such women whose husbands do not apologise when they wrong them, there is the need for the wife to let him know that it hurts her. She should try to let him understand that this particular attitude hurts her. It is all about communication. Men naturally have egos and see themselves above women. But is it is breaking the self-esteem of the woman then there is the need for the couple to reach a compromise. I will also urge women to caution their tongues during arguments so that they don’t turn the table against themselves when it comes to apologising.”
She adds that: “On the other hand, mums should teach our kids these magic words, ‘I’m sorry,’ ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ to prepare them to be loving spouses in future. Your kids are watching and learning from whatever we do at home. Beyond what you tell them verbally it is your actions that really register. Teach your boys now how to treat a woman. If you are a doormat they will never respect women.”