Why do mums have special preference for some children?

Adaeze Collins knows what it feels like to be the least favoured among siblings. She explains thus: “I suffered it when I was a child as my mum didn’t mind going the extra mile to make sure that my siblings were comfortable. She never really gave me the kind of love she gave my siblings, […]

Adaeze Collins knows what it feels like to be the least favoured among siblings. She explains thus: “I suffered it when I was a child as my mum didn’t mind going the extra mile to make sure that my siblings were comfortable. She never really gave me the kind of love she gave my siblings, when it came to me it was a different case all together. Surprisingly, I am the only one who doesn’t mind going the extra mile for her. My sister is doing the same thing with her children and I fear it is going to take a different toll on the child she is neglecting. Is it normal for mothers to show preferences?”  
Maryam Abbas, a 35-year-old mother of four,says that some mothers forget that by favouring one child over the rest is like courting trouble for the preferred child: “Some mothers just like storing trouble for themselves. By favouring a child over the rest will only hurt and encourage sibling rivalry. Love is not something we can buy. There are some people who never even knew their mothers,but some of them are well-adjusted adults today. Whoever lacks motherly love because of favouring of other siblings by the mother should stop putting life on hold because they are looking for love in the wrong place.”
Thirty-four-year-old banker, Adegoke Jamilah, sees it from a different perspective: “Maybe it’s not the way we see it after all, like the lady in question said, she goes an extra mile for her mum; by that maybe her mum saw her as strong enough to handle issues better than her siblings couldn’t handle, that is why she showed less concern about her. Any child in that situation should approach her/his mum humbly and make her understand that there are times such open favouritism hurts you and there are also moments that you want her to be with you and show you love and care.”
Kunle Adebayo, a 40-year-old civil servant,believes that such attitudes are natural in life: “All I can say is such behaviour is one of life’s principles we can never understand. It is an age-long bad habit that dates back to biblical times. Look at Joseph, Jacob (his mum liked him more than Esau), Isaac (Abraham liked him more than Ishmael). Even my own mum likes our second born above any of her other children. Sometimes, the reason is as a result of circumstances surrounding the birth of such a favoured child, at other times it is because of the behaviour of that child in question. Either way, it’s not right but nothing can be done about it. Just continue to show love and do your part. Even God sometime prefers some people to others. For example, David, after all his wrongs, God still loved him and said he is a man after his own heart.”
On the other hand Mary Ofili, a 33-year-old lawyer, finds it difficult to believe that some mothers can show preference when dealing with their children. “I don’t know how my own mum managed; she never seemed to love any of us better than the others. But I can say that sometimes she doesn’t really worry too much about me, like she does worry for others and I can understand why. But when I ask her, she will say “I trust you, Mary,” and would tap my back or give me a peck and that settles it. Asides that, I see no reason why a mother should be so open about showing preference to one child over others. It is a big trouble waiting to explode,” Mary cautioned.
“I don’t have a favourite among my two kids, but if any does what is praise-worthy I tell them. My parents had favourites, but gave attention to everyone’s needs. It would be really unfair to show open preference. It is the root of many family feuds today in the society. Every mum must desist from such. In as much as I know deep down a mum will always have a favourite but she shouldn’t show it at all. We should show our children that we love them equally at least thatis what my mother taught me. However, this attitude is found more in women with many children. If she had only two, she would have no choice than to love them equally. I am a mum and I notice my two girls compete for my favour, nevertheless I give them equal love because I know how it feels when a mum doesn’t understand how to share her love equally,” notes HureraUthman,a 35-year-old teacher.
Why should a mother prefer one of her children to the others? Experts say that should not happen in the first place because the mother went through the same labour pains to have each of them and that showing preference for one child she is only sowing the seeds of disunity in the family.
Most mothers need exposure and education on how to be a good mum because that you have given birth to children does not make a woman a responsible mum.  I believe it’s due to ignorance because the consequences are most costly. Partiality is one of the antonyms of love, so it is not recommended for anyone. At least, mums are to show equal love and restrain from expressing too much affection for a particular child at the detriment of the others. It takes the grace of God to be impartial, that every mum should pray for.