Why do we make our children lie?

Why do parents want to impose their opinions on their boys and girls? These children have their own likes and dislikes; they are capable of making decisions for themselves. If a child likes the color blue, why is the color red imposed on him? If a child wants to drink cola, why is he forced […]

Why do parents want to impose their opinions on their boys and girls? These children have their own likes and dislikes; they are capable of making decisions for themselves. If a child likes the color blue, why is the color red imposed on him? If a child wants to drink cola, why is he forced to drink tea instead?
If a child wants to pursue arts and humanities as his main field of study, why he is compelled to study science and mathematics? If the child refuses to offer the subjects that are the choice of his parents, he is called disobedient.
If he is forced to bend to the will of his ambitious parents and offers subjects which he dislikes and then fails to pass the examination, he is rebuked and treated harshly. I don’t understand why this failure is the fault of the child. It is not his fault but rather is the fault of his over-ambitious parents who want to see all their children be doctors or engineers. This fault on the part of the parents sometimes ruins the life of the child and the parents are left with regrets.
Parents and family elders are responsible for making their children liars. When children become teenagers, there are certain things they want to keep confidential, which they don’t want to discuss with their parents. There are certain friends, places and affairs which they don’t want to talk about in front of their parents and they don’t like to continuously be asked questions, like: “Where did you go? Why did you go there? Which friend did you meet? What did he say? What did you say? Where does he live? What did you eat? Why did you eat that? Was it good?”
When teenagers, both boys and girls, are bombarded with such questions, they will lie and answer harshly. In this way, our children develop the habit of telling lies. Now who is responsible for making these children liars? Sometimes when teenagers are unable to give proper answers to the baseless questions asked by their parents, they are rebuked and  after a number of such rebukes, some children revolt against their parents.
Sometimes parents themselves create a ridiculous situation and find that they are unable to argue with their intelligent children. Once a child was rebuked by his father saying that he got less marks than he should have on his test. The child immediately replied: “I know I didn’t get top marks in the class, but do you think you get the highest salary in your office?”
 Hearing this, the father was speechless. Parents should have full faith and confidence in their children. It is said that when the foot measurement of  a father and son becomes the same, the father should treat his child like a friend. Unnecessary questions should not be asked at this stage. “Don’t ask questions, don’t hear lies” is a famous saying.
The period between the teen years and adulthood is called adolescence. In educational ethics these years are called the “stormy age”. At this age, the attitude of the child fluctuates greatly.  
A child who appears to be rebelling against his parents at this age may prove to be very obedient in years to come.  At this age a child wants to fly like a bird; he wants to live in the land of fantasy which may not have any basis in reality. He sets different goals and aims at often unobtainable targets. He wants to conquer the world.
He looks for shortcuts to success. Sometimes family elders, parents, peer groups, teachers, and society at large fail to understand this changed attitude of the child and they all seem to unite to spoil the child’s career by making bitter comments and asking baseless questions.
The child has excess energy at this stage of life and if his elders fail to understand his mental conflicts, this surplus energy can be used destructively. If parents or society are unable to understand the mental state of a child, then perhaps the child should be taken to a trained counselor.  
At this age, sensual excitement is at its peek and various methods are adopted by teenagers to satisfy their excitement, and many of these are generally wrong and sometimes dangerous. The attraction to the opposite gender increases. It is at this point that parents and teachers should make children aware of the realities of life in a friendly way.
In a nutshell, teenagers should be regarded as “young men and women”. They have their likes and dislikes and they have self-esteem and dignity which should be respected. They should be given certain responsibilities to make them realize their importance in the family. They should not be asked baseless and silly questions. They should be fully trusted and be allowed to live an independent but disciplined life.

Culled from Saudi Gazette